


At the Urging of a Mountie

by julien (julie)



Series: At the Urging of a Mountie [2]
Category: due South
Genre: Dating, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, courting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1996-08-01
Updated: 1996-08-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:21:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22997620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/julie/pseuds/julien
Summary: Ray and Fraser have started dating, which is fine as far as it goes – but Ray is rather startled when Fraser declares that he wants to court Ray. This is nothing like what Ray had ever imagined for himself, but as Fraser gently persists in his attentions and Ray enjoys spending so much more time with his best friend, Ray begins to see the possibilities.
Relationships: Benton Fraser/Ray Vecchio
Series: At the Urging of a Mountie [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1652719
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	At the Urging of a Mountie

**Author's Note:**

> **First published:** in the zine _Two_ from IIBNF Press in 1996.

# At the Urging of a Mountie 

♦

Ray Vecchio had just unlocked the driver’s door of the Riviera when he felt a presence looming behind his shoulder. This was not a good neighborhood, despite the resident Mountie – so the cop’s first instinct was to whirl around, left forearm up across his face for defense. His second was to laugh, for it was Benton Fraser standing there, a bland expression masking his surprise. ‘You should know better than to sneak up on a man who’s armed and dangerous,’ Ray said.

‘I’m sorry, Ray,’ the fellow smoothly replied. ‘May I open the door for you?’ And the Mountie leaned forward to reach around Ray for the Riv’s door handle, causing the cop to jump again – this time to avoid unwanted contact between Fraser’s bold hand and Ray’s waist.

‘What?’ Ray asked testily. ‘You don’t get enough of this kind of thing at work?’

‘On the contrary. But I thought it was appropriate behavior, given that I am taking you out on a date.’

‘Oh, that’s right, tell the whole world.’ Ray glanced up and down the street, relieved when he saw no one but Gerome within hearing distance. ‘Jeez, Benny,’ he complained as he got into the car, letting Fraser shut the door after him. He leaned over to unlock the other door, then watched as the Mountie, impeccably serious in his dress reds, strode around the hood and slid into the passenger’s seat. The Stetson was placed, as usual, on the dash. ‘What else are you going to be doing?’

‘I beg your pardon?’

Ray pulled the Riviera away from the curb, cutting off another car and breaking the speed limit within moments. When Fraser remained silent, Ray let out a laugh. ‘It’s not appropriate behavior to criticize my driving if we’re on a date?’

The Mountie was staring at him, amusement lurking behind the blandness. ‘No. However, I should have brought you a wrist corsage, and I neglected to do so.’ He let a beat go by as Ray chuckled happily at this ludicrous idea. ‘A corsage that complemented the color of your outfit, of course. Which, perhaps you’ll allow me to observe, is very appealing.’

‘You’re nuts.’ But Ray glanced down at his sage-green suit and ivory shirt, adorned by one of his quieter silk ties – it combined various shades of green in a pattern of leaves, with muted red berries and swirls of subtle gold and ivory. Yeah, red and green because Christmas was coming, it was only a month away. ‘You like it?’ Ray asked. ‘I mean, you actually pay attention to what I wear?’

‘Of course I do, Ray, and you look particularly attractive tonight.’ Fraser didn’t even blink under Ray’s disbelieving stare. ‘The style flatters you. Also, the color green and the image of leaves are often used to symbolize life and hope and growth, which feels very significant to me under the circumstances.’ Another beat went by. ‘Perhaps you’d care to observe the traffic, Ray. It seems busy tonight.’

At this mildest of reminders, Ray glanced through the windshield just in time to see a red light and a number of cars he was about to plough into. He hit the brakes, quickly changing lanes to gain the Riviera more room, and came to an abrupt halt. Looking across at the Mountie again, Ray said, ‘You’re really taking this seriously, aren’t you? Dating me, I mean.’

‘Yes, Ray.’

Silence. The lights changed, and Ray frowned as he drove off, following the other cars rather than working his way through them. He and Fraser had gone out to dinner or a movie together three times now – this was their fourth – and after each date they had kissed goodnight, in the darkness of Fraser’s apartment. The kisses had been stirring and compelling and quite glorious, with Ray dazedly asking himself throughout, _What the hell am I doing?_ He admitted, ‘I guess I was thinking this wasn’t really going to lead anywhere, you know?’

‘Well, it doesn’t _have_ to lead anywhere, Ray.’

The cop glanced across at his friend. ‘Get out of here – I bet you have a grand scheme, Fraser, a master plan. Sodomy today, Gomorrah the world! Yeah, you’ve got it all worked out, haven’t you?’

‘Oh yes. But it doesn’t involve either of us doing anything we don’t want to do. If you don’t want to date me, Ray, please don’t feel obligated to do so. I will always be quite content to be your friend.’

Silence for a moment. ‘What’s the restaurant again? Where did you say we’re going?’ And they passed a few minutes working out directions. Finally the cop asked, ‘Where did you get all that stuff about wrist corsages and opening the car door?’

The answer was exactly what Ray expected – ‘A book on etiquette from my grandparents’ library in Inuvik. I suspect it would need revising if it was going to be re-published, though I’m sure most of it is still relevant.’ Fraser glanced across at Ray. ‘I have to admit that the book didn’t provide any advice on how a man should court another man. I’m having to make some of this up as we go along.’

‘ _Courting_?’ Ray repeated, his heart promptly deciding to pound in fear or shock or… something he didn’t want to think about. ‘You were talking _dating_. Courting’s a whole other ball-game.’

‘Yes.’ A beat, and then the Mountie said with all his sincerity, ‘I would like to court you, Ray.’

‘Yeah. Yeah, well, I’ll let you know.’ He cleared his throat. ‘I don’t have any idea what I thought this was. Just some quirky little game, something harmless like that, and we’d forget all about it soon enough. Even though I was the one who asked you out the first time. And the second time. I guess I wasn’t thinking at all, was I?’

Fraser was smart enough not to push.

Ray caught sight of the restaurant, and cruised around the block looking for a parking space. Once he had the Riv settled, though, Ray didn’t immediately climb out. Fraser waited patiently beside him. ‘You know what you said about making this up as we go along?’ Ray eventually offered. ‘That bit’s fine, Benny. I can live with that.’

‘Yes, Ray,’ was the agreeable reply.

‘Well…’ Ray stared indignantly across at his friend, deciding to make the best of a crazy situation. ‘Aren’t you going to open the door for me? What kind of a date do you think this is?’

Absolutely po-faced, almost as if he’d been chided by a superior officer, Fraser clambered out of the car and ran around to the driver’s side of the Riviera.

♦

‘Ready to order yet?’ the waiter demanded. He stood by their booth table, slumped and staring off into space as if he wanted to be anywhere else but here serving customers.

Ray frowned. ‘Er, yeah. What’s _lamb navarin_?’

‘Lamb stew,’ was the bored response.

‘Actually,’ the Mountie supplied, ‘ _navarin_ is a French cooking term applied exclusively to a casserole of lamb or mutton and young root vegetables.’

‘Like I care,’ the waiter said. ‘Come on, old man, what do you want?’ When Ray gaped up at him, the waiter said to Fraser, ‘It’s hell taking your father out for meals, isn’t it? Old folks are so slow making up their minds what to eat, you’re ready for breakfast and he’s only ordering yesterday’s lunch.’

Fraser blinked once, and glanced around in confusion before replying. ‘He’s not my father, my father isn’t here – Ray is my date.’

The waiter laughed delightedly. Ray groaned and let his head sink to rest in his hands. The waiter asked Fraser, ‘ _This_ is your date? Handsome fellow like you should be able to do better than an old guy who’s all nose and no hairline.’

‘Hey, we’re the same age, and I’ve _got_ a hairline,’ Ray retorted, ‘it’s just receding. Proves I’m an intellectual. And you know what they say about the size of a man’s nose…’

‘Yeah, right, in your dreams. And what’s with the uniform, red? Is it fancy dress night? No, don’t tell me – you’re playing the Mountie and the damsel-in-distress game. I know what that makes _you_ , baldy.’

‘I _am_ a Mountie,’ Fraser tried to assert. The poor man actually reached for his wallet and identification.

‘What, you took a wrong turn at Alberta? They said, _Go west, young man_ , but your compass wasn’t working and you headed due south. Pity your date wasn’t with you – you could have used his nose as a sundial.’

‘A sundial tells the time,’ Ray said, playing along now, for he was beginning to work out what was going on, ‘not the direction.’

‘You can use a clock face to give you compass bearings,’ the waiter retorted, ‘if you know what time it is. How stupid are you?’

Fraser was looking from Ray to the waiter and back again, absolutely appalled. He stuttered, ‘I’m sorry, Ray. He’s quite correct, but I –’

Ray held a hand out across the table to his friend. ‘Don’t, Benny, it doesn’t matter. I’ve heard about this place – they employ actors as waiters, and pay them to insult you. It’s a gimmick thing, like those diners with waiters who look like Marilyn Munroe and Jimmy Dean.’

The waiter nodded. ‘Oh, you’re real quick, gramps – way quicker than you look.’

‘Shut up, you little pissant.’

‘Yeah, now you’re getting into the spirit of it. And may I add that was a real intellectual insult, pops. But don’t go offending Dudley Do-Right here, you might spoil your date.’

‘I am sorry, Ray,’ the Mountie repeated with genuine chagrin. ‘I asked Francesca to recommend somewhere appropriate to take you –’

Ray gaped some more. ‘You asked _my sister_ where you should take me on a _date_?’

Fraser looked as if he was about to expire of mortification. ‘Well, I didn’t tell her it was a _date_ as such…’

‘Yeah, you two belong together,’ the waiter chipped in. ‘That way at least you have one brain cell between you both.’

‘Shut up,’ Ray told him. ‘It’s all right, Benny, don’t worry about it. Look,’ he said to the waiter, ‘this is an important night for us –’

‘How sickening.’

‘Shut up. – so either you give us decent service, nice and discreet, or we take our business elsewhere.’

‘Of course, sir,’ the waiter said pleasantly, standing tall. The change in his manner was remarkable. ‘Would you like me to take your order now? Has your charming companion made a decision?’

Fraser was frowning over something at the bottom of the menu. ‘ _Good service available, but only on request_ ,’ he quoted, before smiling bravely up at the waiter. ‘We’ll have the good service, thank you kindly, and I’d like the pepper steak, medium rare, with vegetables.’

‘Of course, sir.’

Ray gave his order, and grinned across at Fraser once the waiter had left. ‘You are such an idiot,’ he said fondly. ‘Franny won that round, better than she knows. She got us good.’

‘Yes, she did,’ Fraser replied, kind of faint and shaken. ‘She most certainly did.’

♦

‘That could have been a disaster,’ Ray commented with some complacency. Fraser had tentatively suggested they go parking after dinner, so Ray had brought him out to the shore of Lake Michigan. Despite the cold night, they were sitting on a blanket on the Riv’s hood, feet up on the bumper bar and hands deep in their coat pockets. Each in their _own_ coat pockets, Ray noted. ‘A real Titanic-style disaster.’

‘But it wasn’t?’ Fraser asked.

‘Nah, it was fun. I’ll tell Francesca you handled it with great aplomb. Huh,’ he added, ‘I _should_ tell her it was a date. That’d get her back for playing tricks on us, and then some.’

Fraser cleared his throat. ‘Actually, Ray, I was wondering – The book I referred to strongly recommends me making my intentions clear to your mother as soon as possible. But I suppose our circumstances are a little unusual…’

‘You’re right about that.’ Ray sighed. ‘Hell, Benny, I don’t know. That’s a hard one. I mean, part of me says Ma will be glad I’m seeing someone I really like.’ The Mountie blessed him with a happy little smile, which Ray acknowledged with a grimace. ‘The rest of me says she’s gonna hate this. You’re not exactly the type of person she pictures me ending up with, though I guess that’s only because you’re the wrong gender. You’re not even close to the person _I_ pictured myself with…’

‘It is a dilemma,’ Fraser offered.

‘Oh, I don’t want to think about it… Let’s leave it for now, what do you say? If this works out –’ Ray took a breath and looked at the man. ‘You said courting?’

‘Yes, Ray.’

‘Courting,’ he repeated flatly. Which meant, if it worked out, this was happy ever after. Ray shook his head at the craziness of it. ‘Benny, I’m not a teenager, I don’t need anyone else’s permission or approval. You make your intentions clear to me. We’ll worry about what everyone else thinks when we have to.’

‘Yes, Ray.’

Then he couldn’t help but grin. ‘On second thoughts, _don’t_ make them clear – you’ll scare me off. Let’s just work it out as we go along, all right?’

‘Yes, Ray.’

There was one benefit to this, Ray was beginning to see – the Mountie was treating him much better than he used to. Fraser was actually being as polite to Ray as he was to the rest of the world, and he had actually just asked for and deferred to Ray’s opinion. Which was kind of odd, given all the months of their rough-and-ready friendship.

Ray sighed, and stared at the reflection of the moon laying a trail across the water. When he was a kid, he used to think that trail was a pearly path you could walk out to the stars on. Instead of telling Fraser about that silliness, Ray said, ‘You know the other day in the coffee shop, before I first asked you out? You said you’d observed you’re attracted to me. What did you mean?’

A pause. ‘I don’t understand what you’re asking me, Ray.’

‘How did you know?’ he tried again with a shrug. ‘Was it a theory you had? What made you notice?’

‘I already felt an emotional commitment to you as a friend, Ray. I noticed over time that I reacted to your presence in sensual ways. The emotional commitment grew and changed. And, yes, you’re right – I soon developed the theory that I am sexually attracted to you.’

Ray smiled a little. ‘How did you test that theory? Or don’t I want to know?’

‘Well, I observed you and my responses to you.’ When Ray nodded to indicate he wanted further information, Fraser sighed. Apparently he found this a little difficult. ‘For instance,’ the Mountie continued at last, ‘we were sitting in the Riviera on a stake-out one day, and I noticed that the linen of your trousers was stretched quite tightly by your wide-legged stance. I observed that your thighs are long and finely muscled, and that I wanted to run my hands up to your hips and –’

‘Whoa there! I don’t want _that_ much detail.’ Ray shook his head. ‘You’ve had a while to get used to the idea, haven’t you? I mean, you said you’ve always been aware of your inclinations. But I’m new to it all, OK, and – Well, it’s not that I don’t know you or I don’t trust you, but the thought of –’ He glanced at Fraser, who waited with all his blue-eyed innocence for the truth. ‘Benny, I have to tell you I find the idea of doing it with a man kind of, well, kind of distasteful, OK? I guess that’s just the way I was brought up.’

‘That’s all right, Ray,’ the man murmured.

And Ray remembered Fraser saying, _This doesn’t have to lead anywhere_. It wasn’t as if he didn’t trust the Mountie, it really wasn’t. ‘You’d better not stop kissing me goodnight, though,’ Ray warned him. ‘Because I like that.’

Fraser smiled, and shifted closer – And then the pair of them were sliding forward off the Riv’s hood, Fraser’s arm hooked around Ray’s waist twisting him so they both landed flat on their backs on the grass, side by side. Fraser snuck a hand into Ray’s coat pocket so he could hold his hand. But that was all the Mountie did, so Ray just lay there next to his friend for a while, letting this happen, whatever it was. The Riviera loomed over them. Ray had never really looked at it from this angle before. He hooked his heels up on the bumper again, and considered the smooth lines of his bulky in-your-face car.

At last Fraser whispered, ‘Isn’t that beautiful, Ray?’

‘Yes, she is, Benny,’ Ray replied with great feeling, pleased that he and Fraser had one thing in common. ‘Yes, she is.’

A pause. ‘Oh. Well, yes, your Riviera is beautiful, too.’ Ray glanced over at the man, who explained, ‘I was looking at the stars, Ray.’

‘Oh.’ He chuckled. ‘I should have known it was too good to be true.’

More silence, kind of comfortable. The Mountie was still smart enough not to push. Though eventually he murmured, ‘Ray…’ Which was OK, because it meant Fraser wanted Ray so much he couldn’t help but push just a little.

‘This is fine,’ Ray said lightly, hoping to head off any difficult questions. ‘This is good. We can do this.’

‘I can court you, Ray?’

‘Sure. Sure you can. Just don’t rush me, OK? Because this is kind of strange for me.’

Fraser said, very happily, ‘Yes, Ray.’

♦

It was a typical winter stake-out, which meant it was way colder than Ray liked. They were using an abandoned warehouse across the road from the apartment they were watching, and had set the equipment up in a second-floor storage room. There was no heat, so Ray thought it lucky he was on during the days, and Huey and Louie had the night-shift. Ray was sitting there with the camera, huddled up in two sweaters and a coat, ensuring that at least half his attention was alert to any relevant movement across the way. He had brought Fraser and Diefenbaker along for company – Dief was currently sniffing around for any junk food Huey and Louie might have left behind, and Fraser was standing on his head against the far wall.

‘God, this is boring,’ Ray commented, not really expecting a reply. He didn’t know where the Mountie’s mind went when he did his meditation thing, but it was no doubt somewhere up around the Arctic Circle. ‘That’s what’s wrong with police-work – ninety percent of it is deadly dull, and the other ten you’re scared as hell because any moment you could die.’

‘Yes,’ Fraser agreed, his mind apparently at least within the state of Illinois. ‘And the stress is heightened by the fact that you can’t let your guard down, or your attention falter, even during the dull periods.’

‘You get bored, Fraser?’ Ray asked. ‘Surely not.’

‘I do, especially with some of my tasks at the Consulate. In fact, I appreciate you inviting me to join you here today. The alternative was to finish sending out three hundred invitations to a formal Christmas function, and Diefenbaker has an even lower tolerance for licking envelopes than I do. Which reminds me –’ Fraser pushed himself away from the wall.

Ray watched as that strong and solid body toppled gracefully down into a crouch, and then he looked away before Fraser could catch him gawking. ‘Bored, bored, bored,’ he muttered, squinting through the camera’s telephoto lens.

The Mountie walked over to stand close behind the cop, and said, ‘I was wondering, Ray, if you’d care to accompany me to the function. I believe it involves an appropriately festive dinner, singing by a choir specializing in medieval music, and then dancing.’

‘Accompany you? Like a date?’

‘Yes.’

Ray turned to stare up at his friend. ‘You want to take me to your place of work on a date? Isn’t that being a bit obvious?’

‘Only if we kiss goodnight while still at the Consulate.’ Damned if those blue eyes didn’t spark with mischievous humor for a moment. ‘I would like you to accompany me to the function, Ray, I would like that very much, and I would be proud to have my colleagues see you beside me, but if the idea doesn’t appeal to you –’

‘Yeah, sure,’ Ray said with a shrug, turning back to stare at the apartment. ‘You said there’d be food?’

‘Oh, a generous quantity of it, from all accounts.’

‘Then I’m your man.’

‘Yes.’ There was something in the tone Fraser said that, something very satisfied. Before Ray could cast him a narrow-eyed glare, Fraser went on to ask, ‘Are you cold?’

‘God, aren’t you?’ And then Ray sat up straighter, abruptly very aware of the Mountie looming close behind him. ‘Why?’ he asked suspiciously.

‘I was simply expressing a concern for your comfort, Ray.’

‘That’s all? You weren’t going to suggest anything weird?’

‘Well, Ray, I can’t deny that the idea of holding you in my arms and sharing my warmth with you isn’t a very appealing one. I may well have made such an offer if I thought you’d accept.’

‘Oh, I never should have brought you along. All day stuck here alone together, and I really should be watching this damned apartment. It’s not like these people aren’t serious, either, we can’t afford to underestimate them. Things always get nasty when drugs are involved. I’m pretty sure they killed the guy who was snitching on them – I mean, we don’t have a body, but he’s disappeared, and if –’

‘Ray. What’s wrong?’

‘Who said anything was wrong,’ he retorted.

‘Well, you did, though not in so many words.’

‘You want to stop hovering over me like that? I can’t concentrate.’

‘Do you find me a distraction?’ The fellow sounded quite hopeful. He shifted away from behind Ray’s shoulder, but the situation did not improve – Fraser hunkered down under the window, facing Ray, only an arm’s length away. Those blue eyes stared up at him. Denim-covered thighs spread wide in his direction, recalling a potent image of Fraser’s – _I want to run my hands up to your hips and_ … The Mountie asked, ‘Am I a temptation?’

Ignoring the more obvious provocations, Ray considered the man for a while. There was no denying Benton Fraser was handsome – ridiculously so, in fact. If you liked men, you’d have to be attracted to him. And when Ray and Fraser kissed, they generated an incredible amount of sensation, especially given that Ray never touched his friend, they never let more than their mouths meet. Except once when Fraser had cupped Ray’s face in both hands, and Ray had battled the instinct to fall… ‘I like being with you, and I like what we do,’ Ray confessed quietly, ‘but I don’t want anything more, OK?’

Fraser nodded, all infinite understanding.

‘If you really want to know, I can’t even quite imagine it. I sort of try to think about doing more, and I just go blank.’ Another sigh. He’d been sighing a lot lately, it was quite tiresome. ‘You and me together – it shouldn’t be so difficult to picture.’

‘What do you see?’ Fraser murmured.

‘I don’t know. Nothing.’ Ray frowned, and tried to talk his way through it. ‘I figure, with a man, it must be just like doing it with yourself, right? Except it’s less predictable. And there’s a lot more kissing. Two mouths. And there are four hands instead of two, four arms, four legs, two…’ Ray glared at the Mountie, who dared to be amused. ‘And it’s nothing like that at all, is it? Oh God, this is so embarrassing.’

‘No, don’t be embarrassed.’

Ray spun away from the camera, and stood. ‘Take over for a while, will you? I’m heading down the road to that diner. Dief’s out of pizza.’

‘Of course, Ray.’

‘Do you want anything?’ Ray asked, checking his pockets for wallet and keys.

‘Oh yes.’ The most seductive of tones. ‘But not from the diner.’

Ray fled before anything more could be said.

♦

‘Never again,’ Ray declared, stomping into Fraser’s apartment. ‘What a ghastly way to waste a Sunday afternoon. You are never taking me ice-skating again.’

The Mountie had the grace to look sad. ‘I’m sorry you didn’t enjoy yourself, Ray.’

‘If I could have stayed on my feet for more than two seconds at a time, I might have enjoyed myself,’ Ray said. ‘Though I doubt it,’ he added – ‘it’s not like skating’s a real sport.’

Rather than fall into their usual friendly quarrel about the relative merits of basketball, baseball and football – or indeed any sport – compared to anything to do with skating and hockey, Fraser asked, ‘May I make you a cup of coffee, Ray?’

‘Yeah. Thanks.’ Ray glared at the chairs tucked neatly away under the table, and remained standing. ‘God, my butt is so bruised I won’t be able to sit down for a week.’

‘That is a pity, Ray. I wouldn’t want you to damage one of your finest features.’

It was said in such innocuous tones that the content took a moment to sink in. Ray looked up and met the Mountie’s blue gaze. How on earth did Fraser manage to look both innocent and suggestive at the same time? ‘Aaahhh!’ Ray exclaimed in terror. ‘You think I’ve got a cute butt!’

‘Well, yes, Ray.’ Fraser stood there in the kitchen with his arms folded, quite calm and rational despite the subject matter. ‘I might not have expressed the sentiment in those words, but I do hold a great admiration for – and indeed feel an attraction for – that part of your anatomy.’

Ray said testily, ‘Don’t you go getting any funny ideas, OK? Don’t you be making plans that involve my butt.’ He crossed his arms, too, and shuddered a little, then wandered off to the far window, safely out of Fraser’s line of sight. Glaring at the dingy urban view, Ray shuddered some more. He might still have a mental block about what he and Fraser would do together if they ever went further than kissing, but he could list a few things that definitely wouldn’t be on the agenda. If he had any say in it whatsoever.

A few minutes later, Ray heard Fraser quietly placing two mugs of coffee on the little table, and then the man sat down. Keeping his distance. ‘May I make a confession?’ Fraser asked after another moment or two had crept past.

‘Does it involve parts of my anatomy?’

‘Only in a collective sense.’

‘Then be my guest.’

‘I’m afraid that I had an ulterior motive in asking you to go ice-skating with me.’

‘You wanted to humiliate me.’

‘No.’

Curious despite himself, Ray turned around and found a way of propping himself against the window-frame without aggravating any aches or pains. ‘Then, what?’

‘I knew that you would need my physical support, so it seemed to be a good excuse for holding each other in public.’

‘I see,’ Ray said flatly. He let the silence grow for a while, as the Mountie was still looking kind of shame-faced. Eventually the cop observed, ‘I asked you not to push, but you have been.’ When Fraser nodded, Ray asked, ‘What happened to all that patience of yours?’

Another pause. ‘None of our dates,’ Fraser said at last, ‘seem to work out quite the way I plan them. I take you to dinner, and the waiter is offensive. I take you to an art gallery, and you are uninterested. I take you skating, and you hurt yourself. I don’t seem to have much success in encouraging your responses to me, so perhaps I become impatient and push a little too hard.’

Ray smiled despite himself. It was quite pleasant seeing the Mountie at a disadvantage like this, feeling sorry for himself and for all his grand schemes gone awry. ‘That’s OK, Benny,’ Ray said, walking over to the table. ‘It doesn’t matter if things don’t work out the way you think they’re supposed to. I’d rather just wing it, frankly.’

‘Wing it?’

‘Play it by ear, make it up as we go along.’ Ray caught up a mug of coffee and took a sip. ‘Let the reins go, Fraser, and we’ll see what happens. How’s that for a plan?’

The fellow looked up at him, quite woebegone. ‘I’m sorry I’ve tried to rush you,’ he said.

‘Oh, stop it already, you’re breaking my heart.’ Ray shook his head, knowing the Mountie was probably manipulating him yet again, but deciding to let him get away with it. He sat down in the chair opposite Fraser, and reached his free hand halfway across the table. ‘Here,’ Ray invited.

Fraser gratefully held Ray’s hand in both of his, turning to face him, elbows on the table and leaning close. They didn’t speak, or do anything much except just sit there together and eventually drink their coffee before it got cold. That was fine. Until Ray shifted uncomfortably on the hard wooden chair, and Fraser stole an amused glance in that direction.

‘Don’t you be offering to kiss it better,’ Ray warned him in his severest tones.

♦

Another long and boring day, showing no signs of immediately improving. Ray had left the state attorney’s office after four, and dropped over to the station in the hope of excitement rather than heading straight home, but all he found was peace and quiet. The place was empty but for Welsh slumbering in his office, and Huey flipping desultorily through a file making notes as he went. The highlight, Ray thought sarcastically, was a heap of new mail stacked on his desk.

He settled into his dark little corner with a sigh, and began sorting through the mail, wishing Elaine was around so he could charm or beg her into helping him. One business-sized envelope snagged Ray’s interest – it was addressed to Detective R.A. Vecchio, and marked PERSONAL AND CONFIDENTIAL. Strange, for the only private mail Ray got, other than bills and bank statements and catalogues, was from his brother – and that arrived at home, addressed in hand-writing, invariably containing pleas for more money and complaints about the unreasonable demands of college. This envelope had been addressed on a typewriter, and the postmark was local. Ray frowned and tore it open, only to find a second sealed envelope inside marked and addressed the same way. He opened that, too. Whatever it was, the sender wanted the contents to remain confidential. A snitch, perhaps? Somebody volunteering information about a crime? Ray sighed, hoping whoever it was wasn’t A. Nonymous.

Flipping the single sheet of paper open, he read, _Dear Ray_ , and didn’t know whether to be relieved or amused or surprised. For it was written in the Mountie’s charmingly old-fashioned script, learned no doubt at his grandmother’s knee. _It occurred to me that I have never declared or described my all-too-real feelings for you, and this may in part explain your reluctance to accept my advances. Will you allow me to tell you that I love you?_

Ray let the piece of paper fall from shaking hands, and looked up to see if anyone had noticed his face burning with embarrassment. Unfortunately this very action brought Huey’s attention to bear on him. Ray grabbed at the next piece of mail, opened it with fumbling fingers, stared at it with blind eyes. Once Huey had returned to his file, Ray snuck a side-long glance at Fraser’s offering.

_The thoughts and sentiments are my own, but if I may borrow other men’s words, you are to me ‘all love, all liking, all delight’. And ‘thy charms in their diversity half frighten and astonish me’. (The first quote is taken out of context – the second, perhaps not.) We are friends before all else, Ray, and I would find it difficult to describe how great a value I place on that, even though I dare to hope –_

‘Oh God,’ Ray moaned. He refolded the letter, clumsily for he wouldn’t look at it, and he pushed it away, carefully avoiding noticing whether Huey was watching him. As he reached for another piece of mail and ripped it open, the phone rang – Ray clutched at the receiver as if he was drowning. ‘Er, Vecchio, twenty-seventh precinct.’

‘Ray, it’s me.’

He found himself speechless, gaping foolishly at the empty chair across his desk.

‘Ray? It’s Fraser. Are you there?’

‘I can’t believe you did that,’ Ray finally said. ‘I can’t believe what you sent me _at work_.’ He lowered his voice to demand, ‘What if someone else opened it?’

‘Well,’ the fellow responded in reasonable tones, ‘the letter I assume you’re referring to was clearly marked as personal, and anyone in your office services area is honor-bound to respect that.’

‘Honor-bound? What, do you think we only employ Canadians down there?’

‘No, Ray. It is a general rule observed when handling incoming correspondence.’

‘God, you are so naive. Rules aren’t always followed, you can’t just go around willfully trusting people like that. Anyway, what if someone up here had opened it? What if Elaine was helping me with my mail or something?’

‘Trust begets trust, Ray.’ But the man sounded less sure of himself now, and perhaps realized what a disaster this could have been.

‘That’s just lovely, but this is Chicago, Fraser. The only thing we trust is that the worst could happen, and probably will.’ Ray sighed into the ensuing silence, unused to Fraser not having anything to say for himself. ‘What did you call me for?’ Ray asked in gentler tones.

‘To ask how your day has been, and to ascertain if you’re still available tonight.’

‘Yeah, I am, and I’ve been all day with St Laurent.’

‘Ah. You’re having a new suit designed?’

Ray chuckled. ‘No, Louise _madame le_ state attorney, not Yves _monsieur le_ fashion designer. We’ve been preparing my testimony for a case that’s being heard next week. An old murder case, from before you came here.’

‘Ah,’ the Mountie said again, not bothering to correct Ray’s atrocious attempt at adding a French flavor to their conversation. ‘That must have been pleasant for you.’

‘Why do you say that?’ Ray asked, though he could guess. A phone was ringing somewhere, but Ray figured Huey could answer it.

‘Well, I know that you like her.’ A long pause, from which Fraser would probably like to be rescued. Ray left him hanging. Finally the Mountie continued, ‘I know that you’d like her to like you.’

Ray bent his head and turned away into the corner so the sound wouldn’t carry. He whispered, ‘Are you jealous, Benny?’

‘Yes,’ was the immediate quiet response.

Letting the silence stretch, Ray smiled, feeling wanted for the first time in far too long. He said, ‘I’ve got you liking me now, though, haven’t I? That’s enough to handle.’

‘If you think.’

‘I do. Benny, it’s been a long and horrible day, and I’ve been very patient, you’d be proud of me, and now I just want to go out with you for the evening and enjoy myself, OK?’

‘Yes, Ray.’

‘Hey,’ he said, reluctant to end the conversation. ‘Don’t ever do it again, all right? But I liked the letter. I haven’t read it all yet, but I like it so far.’

‘I’m glad.’

‘I don’t know about the poetry, though. My idea of poetry is, _When in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout_.’

Fraser laughed obediently, but he couldn’t hide that the amusement was forced.

Ray sighed. ‘All right, if we’re being serious here, I liked yours better. And I kind of feel the same way.’

‘You do?’

‘No,’ he said bluntly. ‘But if this works out, that’s what I want, OK? I want the kind of stuff that you wrote about.’ Fraser was silent, but Ray felt they were communicating anyway. Ray said, ‘Can I come and collect you from work? Are you done licking envelopes and creating files yet?’

‘Yes,’ Fraser whispered. ‘I’ll be waiting for you.’ And he hung up the phone.

Ray scrambled, grabbing up the incriminating letter and slipping it into the breast pocket of his jacket, gathering his coat and scarf from the stand. Huey was staring at him again. ‘See you tomorrow,’ Ray offered as he headed for the door.

‘Vecchio!’ Welsh called just before Ray could claim he was out of hearing. ‘Get in here.’

‘Yes, sir?’ the cop said once he was standing before his boss’s desk. He was preternaturally aware of the letter burning through his silk shirt to his skin, and of the fact that the lieutenant was way too good at reading his detective’s demeanor.

‘I’ve just been on the phone to St Laurent about another matter, and she happened to mention you.’

‘Yes, sir,’ Ray said, furiously trying to recall what he’d done wrong this time. ‘Is there a problem, sir?’

‘No, and that’s why I’m worried. She said you have been diligent and thorough today, and she has high hopes for success with this case. She was as surprised as I am.’ Welsh frowned. ‘What’s going on, Detective? Are you lulling us into a false sense of security?’

‘No, sir.’ There seemed to be nothing else he could offer, so Ray remained silent.

Eventually Welsh nodded. ‘Good work, Vecchio. Keep it up.’

‘Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.’ And he got out of there while he could.

Once Ray reached the sanctuary of the Riviera, he pulled Fraser’s letter out, determined to read the rest of it before he faced the Mountie again. Who knew what madness Fraser had written, after all? Best to know what Ray was getting into.

_To whom it may concern. I need to tell you about a city official and certain goings on. I won’t name names until I’m sure you’ll protect me. I’m only small fry but I know this man and others have been_ –

‘Oh God,’ Ray groaned, and he scrambled out of the car and dashed for the station’s front door. He’d left the cursed love-letter on his desk. Huey’s cool curiosity had been alerted. Ray ran up the stairs fearing the worst.

But, no, Huey was safely pondering his file with a mug of coffee in hand, and Welsh was slumbering again. Ray headed for his desk, putting a bravely nonchalant face on his sudden reappearance. Dropping the crank letter on top of the pile, he opened up the nearest loose sheet of paper. _To the officer in charge, Violent Crimes._ No. _Dear Ray_. OK. Jamming the thing firmly into his pocket, Ray strode for the door and escaped this time without incident.

♦

‘Oh.’ The Mountie sounded surprised, and discomforted. ‘Is this strictly necessary, Ray?’ he asked, voice intended to carry to where the cop waited outside the changing room.

‘Yes, it is,’ Ray said, beginning to pace back and forth before the curtains. ‘I’m tired of you sticking out like a sore thumb when we go out for dinner – you always wear that damned red uniform. Anyway, I want to see what you look like in a real suit.’

‘But…’ Fraser pleaded. ‘Oh! Can’t you buy me a ready-made garment?’

Ray chuckled, wondering whether Mario had just reached Fraser’s inside leg. ‘No, I can’t. You just stand still and behave yourself in there,’ he said sternly. ‘No, don’t tell me,’ Ray continued as a thought struck him – ‘Mario, is he ticklish?’

‘That’s privileged information, Mr. Vecchio, and it must remain confidential between a tailor and his client.’

‘Oh,’ Fraser inadvertently added.

Ray laughed. This was even more fun than he’d anticipated. ‘But _I’m_ your client, Mario, I’m the one who’s paying for the suit, and I’m the one who’s in here every other payday.’

‘Sorry, Mr. Vecchio, I’m not at liberty to divulge that information.’ He added in a quieter voice, ‘I’m sorry, Mr. Fraser, but if you’d just shift your arm back I won’t need to…’

‘Mario, you’ve been watching too many cops-and-lawyers shows,’ Ray complained, ‘we don’t really talk like that.’

‘What style did you have in mind, Mr. Vecchio?’

Ray considered this vital question again. ‘Something structured and well-fitting, with a long jacket. Simple, a minimum of fuss. In black – or at least something very dark with blue tones. Quite formal and old-fashioned, not trendy, but he has the looks to carry it off, right?’

‘Yes, I believe he does.’

‘A white shirt – make that two, so he has no excuses about laundry – with a stand-up collar. And a silk waistcoat, buttoning up high, in stormy blue-grey.’

‘That sounds good, Mr. Vecchio, you always did have the eye for style and color.’

‘Ah, Mario, I love how you flatter me. What do you think, Benny?’

A moment slipped by with another muffled _Oh_. ‘I’m entirely in your hands, Ray, as regards the – oh – flattery and the suit.’

‘You trust me? About the suit, I mean.’

‘Yes.’

Ray grinned. ‘That’s good, that’s nice. Hey, Mario, is my new suit ready yet?’

‘Yes, sir. As soon as I’m finished with Mr. Fraser’s measurements, I’ll fetch it for you.’

Ten minutes later the three men were gazing at Ray’s new suit arranged on the display hangers. It was all long fluid lines and – ‘It’s purple, Ray,’ the Mountie observed.

‘Aubergine,’ Ray corrected him. ‘It’s beautiful, Mario. Perfect.’

‘As in eggplant?’ Fraser seemed to be having difficulty grasping this concept.

‘Yeah, mulberry is next year,’ Ray told him, ‘though I don’t like it as much as aubergine because it’s lighter. And plum was last year.’

‘And you think I stick out like a sore thumb in red,’ the Mountie said with some resentment.

‘That’s different.’

‘How is it different?’

‘Well, you may have noticed these trousers don’t bag out around the thighs as much as yours. That is not a good look.’

‘But it’s functional, Ray… I am a _mounted_ policeman, after all.’

They were still arguing as they climbed the stairs to Fraser’s apartment. ‘And I don’t have big brass buttons on mine, either,’ Ray was saying. ‘Hey,’ he asked as a thought occurred to him, ‘are you still going to trust me about the style of your new suit?’

Fraser nodded once as he opened the apartment door, let Ray through and then closed it behind them. ‘I’m sure I’ll like the suit, Ray.’

‘Well, consider it an early Christmas present.’

‘For you or for me?’ the Mountie asked.

Ray laughed. ‘For both of us.’ He looked around. ‘Where’s Dief?’

‘Willie said he’d take him out for an extended walk this afternoon.’ Fraser put his hat down on the kitchen bench. ‘Ray, I know that we can’t strictly consider a visit to your tailor as a date, but I was wondering if I could nevertheless ask you for a kiss, especially as I won’t be seeing you tonight.’

Something wayward inside of Ray had been hoping for this. It was scary how much he wanted to meet Fraser’s mouth with his own, when Ray was still so uncertain about all the rest. He nodded agreement, and managed to stand his ground as the Mountie approached. How many times had they done this now? Ray had given up counting sometime around when Fraser’s mouth had become familiar haven – and then the familiarity had led to innovation rather than contempt, and the cop began fearing he was lost.

Despite the waywardness, Ray still kept his wandering Italian hands firmly in his coat pockets as Fraser leaned in closer, afraid those hands would lead him astray. The Mountie was teasing, lips hovering just a breath away. Ray groaned and initiated matters. Hungry today, rather than their usual respectful give-and-take. Needy. Perhaps Fraser, who’d been sure in what he wanted from Ray for some while, was becoming a tad desperate. Ray groaned again as Fraser’s tongue sought his. Reflected that, for someone who admitted to a lack of experience, Fraser sure knew how to kiss. God knew what the man would be like as a lover, with his curiosity and his thoroughness and his determination to experience everything through all five senses…

Too much. For only the second time, Fraser lifted his hands to cup Ray’s face, and then he caressed Ray’s neck, fingers exploring the nape while a palm found his heartbeat in the jugular. Alarms went off, and Ray tried to pull back, but Fraser simply deepened the kiss, beautifully forceful, overwhelming. Too easy to simply give in right now, though he really didn’t want to.

– Ray broke away, letting Fraser’s hands offer a regretful caress to throat and jaw and temple, run back over his hair. Silence between them as they stared at each other, and perhaps Fraser was scared as well.

‘Too much,’ Ray whispered, feeling he had to remind the man again, ‘too far, too soon.’

‘Yes.’ But those beautiful blue eyes wouldn’t stop devouring him.

‘You need to give me more time, Benny love. I’m sorry, but –’

‘Did you know,’ Fraser said lightly, ‘that you have a beautifully shaped skull.’

Ray sighed, and managed to look elsewhere in exasperation. ‘Is that supposed to be a compliment?’

‘Oh. I shouldn’t compliment you on your fine bone structure, Ray?’

‘That’s _cheekbones_ , Benny. Or collarbones, maybe. Not skulls, for God’s sake, how unromantic can you get?’ And he almost laughed. ‘No, don’t answer that. I’m sure I’ll find out.’ Ray found his keys in his trouser pocket. ‘I’ll pick you up for work tomorrow morning?’

‘Thank you, Ray, I’d appreciate that.’ And the Mountie watched the cop walk out of the apartment.

♦

Ray was aware of gazes following him as he stumbled through the squad room to his desk. It was a wonder he made it to his chair before collapsing, for he had gone three days and two nights now with no more than a couple of half-hour naps. People were noticing him, which he vaguely knew he would have appreciated not so long ago. Here was Ray Vecchio’s fifteen minutes of fame, and he was too exhausted to appreciate it. His photo was going to be in all the papers tomorrow – unfortunately with Ray looking like he was one of the walking undead – photos of the detective handcuffed to the murderer he’d arrested.

The lieutenant and the Mountie walked in, heads inclined together deep in conversation. And they looked for Ray, and came over to his desk. Fame means none of that _Vecchio, get in here!_ Fame means they come to you. Ray tried to summon a smile, tried to enjoy it while he could.

‘It seems congratulations are in order, Detective,’ Welsh said, in tones that carried throughout the room. ‘You figured out a profile of the Grant Park strangler, and none of us believed you – and I still need to know how you talked St Laurent into getting the warrant for you. Despite our disbelief, you went out and found the murderer. You brought him in at some risk to yourself, with evidence and confession intact. You saved the life he would have taken tonight. Good work, Vecchio. Excellent work.’

‘Thank you, sir.’

‘Constable, I suppose we have you to congratulate for this as well.’

‘Actually, no, sir. I provided back-up and support for Detective Vecchio, such as I could, but he has carried the full responsibility for this case throughout the last few days. I can only guess at how proud the entire precinct must be of him.’

Welsh was looking kind of skeptical, which was hardly surprising to Ray – he knew very well that everyone attributed Ray’s improved arrest record to his unofficial partner.

‘If I may confess something, sir,’ Fraser said.

‘Please do. For once we have an actual criminal doing the same thing.’

‘Even I didn’t believe in Detective Vecchio’s theories about the type of man this murderer would prove to be. Ray was the only one of us who put that puzzle together, who saw the whole picture. I’m only glad that I had enough faith in Detective Vecchio’s abilities to adequately back him up.’

‘Point taken, Constable,’ Welsh said, nodding. ‘The rest of us should have given Vecchio the benefit of the doubt.’

Ray quickly said, ‘Apology accepted, sir.’

And the amazing thing was that Welsh let him get away with that. ‘Huey and Louie are handling the interrogation. They’re doing all right. You’ve been very focused and thorough, Vecchio, and it’s paid off. But you go home and get some sleep now. Constable?’

‘I’ll ensure he does,’ Fraser said, taking this as an order.

‘Good. Don’t come back until you’re ready, take some time if you need it.’ Welsh nodded again, hands stuffed in his trouser pockets. ‘Excellent work, Vecchio.’ And, as the lieutenant headed back towards his office, Elaine stood and led a round of applause for Ray.

At last Ray found a smile within him. ‘I did it, didn’t I?’ Ray asked quietly as everyone else subsided, and Fraser sat in his usual chair.

‘Yes, you did, Ray. You should feel very proud of yourself.’

‘And you really didn’t believe me about who he was?’ He recalled that the Mountie hadn’t taken the cop seriously until yesterday, when he realized Ray hadn’t gone home the previous night. Ray let out a sigh, though not an unhappy one. ‘I guess I knew that at the time, I just didn’t think about it. I went ahead and did it anyway.’

‘You had faith in yourself, Ray, and that’s a wonderful thing.’

‘You had faith in me, too.’ Ray found that smile again, though he was almost too weary to give it to his friend. ‘You had faith in me.’

‘Yes.’ Fraser looked across the desk at him, considering. Caring. ‘I should get you home,’ he eventually said.

But Ray simply couldn’t be bothered moving yet, though the comforts of his bed beckoned, and he was hoping to spend a great deal of his immediate future in pajamas. He slumped further down in his chair. The bad stuff was over.

‘You’ve worked so hard on this, Ray,’ the Mountie whispered, leaning forward to ensure they could talk privately. ‘You’ve been through so much. It’s difficult to deal so directly with cases like this – you are often left with a knowledge of matters you’d prefer not to understand.’

Ray nodded. ‘This one was a bit gruesome, even for Chicago.’

‘Looking at you now, I almost wish we were no more than friends again, Ray.’

‘Why?’ Protest stabbed through his heart, when he thought he’d be relieved at the idea.

‘Because I’d like to offer you a hug. It appears you would benefit from being comforted, but if I held you in my arms now the implications would have the opposite effect.’

‘That’s all right, Benny. I’ve gone without hugs for years, I’m sure I’ll survive a while longer.’ Easy silence fell between them. Ray began vaguely thinking of calling his Ma, telling her he was all right, it was over now, and he’d be home soon.

‘You look adorable to me.’

Ray stared at his friend, surprised, and then glanced around to ensure no one else was listening. ‘Adorable?’ he complained, though he could find no heat for it. ‘What kind of word is that for one man to use to another?’

‘I’m sorry, Ray, but it’s how I’m responding to you right now. You’re adorable all stubbled and tired and satisfied. You’ve been very driven over the past few days, but now your expression is soft and unguarded. The colors you are wearing – is that aubergine?’

‘Mulberry.’

‘The mulberry represents to me the bruises of your soul. I find you adorable, Ray. But, if you won’t let me adore you, then perhaps you’ll let me hug you instead.’

Ray smiled some more, too tired to bother about being guarded. ‘Come on, then, take me home. I’ll even let you drive the Riv, and I’ll call Ma on the way. Then you and Ma can fight over who gets to put me to bed, and if you win I might even let you hug me until I fall asleep.’

‘I’d like that very much, Ray.’

‘Then let’s do it, Benny.’ Ray stood, and collected his jacket, and wandered wearily out of the station with his best friend at his side. He was too tired to put the smile away again.

♦

‘When are you going back to work, Ray?’ the Mountie asked.

‘I don’t know. You heard the lieutenant, he said to take whatever time I need.’ Ray surveyed the cinema and its afternoon assortment of patrons both young and old. ‘Why, aren’t you having fun? It’s like playing hooky from school.’

‘Is it? You know, I am taking an official leave of absence to be with you. I hardly ever took leave before I came to Chicago.’ Fraser sat there very upright and proper with a tub of popcorn in one hand, looking somewhat out of place.

‘All right, all right, I’ll do you a deal. You lighten up and help me enjoy today, and we’ll both go back to work tomorrow. How’s that?’

‘Quite acceptable.’ Fraser was still frowning, though. ‘Why are we sitting in the back row? Wouldn’t the view be better from a closer seat?’

‘You’ll find out why,’ Ray promised him.

‘And what are the movies about, Ray? I don’t understand how a gun can be naked. What is that a reference to? And why is the sequel designated _two-and-a-half?’_

‘Stop all that thinking and analyzing and stuff, OK? The idea with this kind of movie is you just sit back and enjoy them. It’s silly stuff, it’ll make you laugh. Anyway, you’ll like the star – he’s Canadian.’

‘Ah.’ That made some difference, apparently. Fraser asked, ‘Did you have plans for dinner tonight?’

Ray sighed. ‘I don’t know. You want to come home with me? If it’s still light, the Riv needs a wash and polish, you can help me – yeah, that would be fun. And Ma… well, she’s asking why I don’t bring you home for dinner like I used to. She misses having you over, and feeding you to within an inch of your life. I couldn’t tell her you’re taking me out on dates instead.’

‘Couldn’t you?’ Fraser sounded almost wistful.

‘All right, so I have to tell her sometime. And you want to do this thing about making your intentions clear, don’t you? I guess she’s gonna figure it out herself soon enough, all the time I’ve been spending with you. All the dopey grins I come home with…’

‘Do you?’ Fraser whispered, and they shared a meaningful glance. ‘Sometimes I’ve questioned whether I’m actually making you happy, Ray.’

‘Of course you are, you idiot.’ Ray reached across Fraser for a handful of popcorn. ‘I have to admit that sneaking around behind everyone’s back like this kind of appeals to me, but it would be good to tell people, too, within reason. Family, anyway. Actually, I was thinking of telling Ma for Christmas. If she’s pleased for me, it would make a great present, you know, her little Raymond is finally seeing someone who cares about him. On the other hand, if she hates the fact it’s you, I could ruin the entire festive season for her.’

‘That has to be your decision, Ray.’

‘Yeah, thanks,’ Ray said. There was the Mountie deferring to the cop again. It was quite bizarre, and very welcome, and completely unlike how they used to relate to each other.

At last the lights dimmed, and an ad began running. Ray slipped his hand over to hold Fraser’s where it rested on his thigh, provoking an _Oh_ and a scattering of popcorn. Grinning, Ray slid further down in his seat. He was going to enjoy this.

♦

‘Local youth hostels and drop-in centers?’ the Mountie repeated, apparently dumbfounded. ‘Why?’

‘Our destination surprises you, does it?’ Ray asked, putting his foot down to pull the Riviera out of a corner at speed. ‘Why do you think I’m doing the rounds?’

‘Community policing.’

Ray laughed. ‘No, that’s what you’d do. I’m going to treasure this moment, Fraser. You’re thinking the best of me.’

‘Well, what _are_ we doing?’

‘A few things. Trying to identify a dead girl who was found in a dumpster round here. I’ve got a morgue photo of her to show around. And, you know, casting about for snitches, see what’s going down, keeping an ear open.’

‘I see.’

‘Help people if I can.’

A long pause, as if Fraser was skeptical of this last item on the agenda. ‘Of course,’ he finally said.

‘Don’t worry, Welsh reminded me _you’re_ the role model around here, I won’t go stepping over that line. Yeah, we’re back to business as usual – you’re thinking the worst of me again.’

‘I am not.’ He sounded affronted. ‘And I think you make a good role model, Ray.’

‘Sure.’ Ray asked, ‘What do you like best about being a cop, Fraser?’ Silence, so Ray answered his own question. ‘Me, I like actually saving someone once in a while. You know, this job is mostly cleaning up afterwards. The victim is already dead or injured, and we come along after the fact and put the perp behind bars for a while. I like it when we get there a bit earlier in the piece. Reaching a kidnap victim in time, saving a hostage, things like that. Sorting through a whole bunch of missing person cases during a murder investigation. It makes more of a difference. The one thing I liked about being a beat cop was just being out there, making my presence felt, being a deterrent.’

Fraser was watching him with some surprise. ‘That’s good, Ray.’

‘So, what do you like best?’

‘Well, it’s simply what I’ve always wanted to be, and I do it well, I do it to the best of my abilities.’

‘No, I mean more than that.’ Ray pulled up at a red light, and slipped the Riviera into neutral so he could gently rev it – the car had just been serviced, and it was purring like a lion. ‘Tell me something specific,’ Ray asked his friend as they sped smoothly away through the intersection.

‘Oh,’ the Mountie said, staring out the windshield. He offered, ‘I suppose I like to think through a crime, and see the pattern in it. Work out the criminal’s purpose and reasoning, and then take two leaps ahead in order to catch him or her.’ Fraser turned to face Ray again. ‘Which is how you solved the Grant Park murders.’

‘Yeah, OK. What else?’

‘Well, I’m not sure.’ Fraser frowned. ‘I’m sorry to say I haven’t considered these motivations for a long while. You’re challenging me, Ray.’

He grinned. ‘And that’s a good thing, right?’

‘Yes.’

‘I thought you’d tell me you like committing random acts of kindness.’ Ray glanced at the man, still feeling amused. ‘And I _know_ you get a kick out of it when someone’s kind right back at you.’

‘That’s true, Ray.’ Fraser was thoughtful now. ‘I suppose that back in the Yukon, part of it was the physical challenge, pitting myself against the environment.’

‘Oh. I guess you miss all that. I guess that’s still home, isn’t it?’

‘Yes. But here in Chicago, there are different challenges. Applying my skills as best I can in a new environment.’ The Mountie gave the cop one of his long considering looks, and Ray tried not to shiver under the influence of it – those blue eyes could have quite an effect. ‘And there’s you, Ray.’

‘What about me?’ he complained. ‘I’m talking police-work here.’

‘And I’m talking about courting you. That is proving to be quite the challenge.’

They had reached the first of the hostels. Kids were loitering on the front steps, hanging out on the sidewalk. Ray pulled the car into a parking space, and said, ‘Don’t, Benny. Don’t be trying to make me feel bad for taking my time.’

‘I didn’t intend to, Ray,’ the fellow said softly. ‘But, may I ask, is it me you’re unsure of?’

‘Can we not do this right now?’

‘Of course. I’m sorry, Ray, that was very poor timing on my part.’ Fraser was all business now – he was out of the car before Ray could say anything else.

‘Jeez,’ Ray muttered to himself as he hooked the radio handset over the rear vision mirror, ‘that man is the most frustrating person on the whole damned planet. I have no idea why I’m falling –’ But he couldn’t say it. Even now he couldn’t say it.

♦

The crowd was so hyped that the incredible noise continued even during time-out. Everyone was, of course, on their feet, for the Bulls were behind by two points and there were only a few seconds left in the game. ‘Are you gonna tell me how the hell you got the tickets?’ Ray yelled at Fraser from an inch away. ‘It was impossible! They sold out before I even knew about it!’

That self-conscious look painted Fraser’s face again, and the man shook his head as if he didn’t understand the question.

‘It’s unheard of that they’re even playing!’ Ray told him. He turned back to the court, only two rows away from where the Bulls were huddled talking strategy. Amazing. At this level of basketball, charity exhibition matches were indeed unheard of, let alone something as spectacular as the Chicago Bulls playing against the best of the rest of the NBA. And somehow Fraser had managed to get two seats, right up close to the action, and had handed the tickets over to Ray that afternoon as an early Christmas present. ‘Come on, how did you do it?’ Ray asked him again.

‘I knew you’d enjoy it, Ray.’

‘Yeah, but how –’ The cop at last saw the Mountie’s embarrassment, and put two and two together. ‘Through the Consulate, right? You used your connections.’

‘It doesn’t seem quite right,’ Fraser loudly pleaded.

The teams were taking their places, but Ray took a moment to yell at his friend, ‘It’s perfect!’ And the clock was counting down, and the Bulls executed some complicated kind of play that would never work, the ball was almost stolen – Jordan threw a three-pointer and won the game just as the siren sounded.

If the noise had been incredible before, it was indescribable now. Ray was jumping up and down like an idiot, calling out at the top of his lungs. The Bulls had won and all was right with the world. The players were jumping around, too, and grabbing each other. Fraser was right there next to him, watching Ray with those blue eyes, grinning happily. So Ray grabbed him round the shoulders and hugged him, hugged the strength of him while still kind of jumping around, and the Mountie held the cop as close as he dared. It was, not to put too fine a point on it… quite exciting.

Ray asked, directly into Fraser’s ear, ‘Christmas present for you or for me?’

‘Both of us,’ the Mountie replied, hands clutching at Ray’s waist through the bulk of his jacket.

‘Yeah,’ Ray breathed, causing a shudder to run through the man, but then Ray pulled away, unable or unwilling to prolong the hug even though everyone in the stadium was doing much the same thing. ‘Thanks!’ he said, with an ironic smile.

‘Oh, you’re very welcome,’ was the reply.

‘Was it worth compromising your morals for me?’

Fraser didn’t say anything, but he gave Ray one of those big blue-eyed Mountie looks, and nodded.

♦

‘What is that you’re carrying, Ray?’ the Mountie asked as they climbed the stairs to his apartment.

‘Like you can’t guess? It’s your Christmas present,’ the cop replied, shifting the gift-wrapped burdens in his arms. ‘I’ve been keeping them in the trunk, I didn’t know when would be a good time to give it to you. But you gave me mine early…’

‘I didn’t have much choice – the game was being played tonight.’

‘Man, that was great.’ Ray grinned happily. ‘Did you see how cool Jordan was when he took the last shot? Talk about grace under pressure, that man is beautiful.’

‘Really,’ Fraser commented, apparently thinking about this.

Despite figuring that Mountie mind was extrapolating all kinds of strange things from one little adjective, Ray decided to let it go. As they walked into the apartment and greeted Diefenbaker, Ray said, ‘I think this dating thing is bringing out the worst in us.’

‘Oh. How so?’

‘Now everything we do, everything we give each other, we have ulterior motives. That’s not a good thing.’

‘I wouldn’t call it a bad thing, either, Ray, and we are at least being honest with each other.’

‘Here,’ Ray said, handing the three parcels over. Fraser sat them on the kitchen bench and began carefully unwrapping the paper on the biggest one without tearing it. ‘You took me skating,’ Ray continued, ‘so you could hold onto me in public. I’m having you a suit made so I don’t have to date a man wearing red serge. You took me to a Bulls game so I’d hug you.’

‘Ah…’ Fraser breathed with some satisfaction once he’d got to the box. ‘An espresso and cappuccino machine. Thank you, Ray.’

‘I give you that so you’ll have to invite me up for coffee every night.’ Ray watched as the Mountie pulled out his pocket-knife and efficiently dealt with the packaging tape, before quickly opening the other parcels to discover a set of espresso cups and a bag of coffee beans. The fellow seemed quite pleased, and Ray knew they both appreciated a good cup of coffee. He muttered, ‘If I was any braver I’d have bought you a double bed.’

Fraser lifted his head and stared at Ray with those beautiful blue eyes, hands still now. ‘Ray…’ he said, voice betraying his hunger.

‘But what’s the point of a bed? I don’t know what I’d do with you in it,’ Ray continued, the words annoyingly rough in his throat. ‘And I’m not going to let you do things with me, if you see what I mean. We’re both men,’ he blurted out, having no idea what he was trying to tell Fraser. ‘It’s not that I like my women passive, far from it, but I have to figure out what you and I would do _together_. I have to figure out how I can be a man – when I’m with a man.’ Ray groaned in frustration. ‘Is that as stupid as it sounds?’

‘It’s not stupid, if that’s how you genuinely feel. Perhaps, instead, you could think of how you can be Ray with your Benny. Think of it in a more personal way.’

‘Too scared to do that,’ Ray admitted, ‘though you’re the most decent person I’ve ever met. Kind. There’s no good reason I should find you threatening.’

Silence fell between them as Ray looked at his friend, his best friend. He recalled Fraser holding him after Ray had arrested the Grant Park strangler. Benny generous but not in a pushy way, being a complete gentleman, lying fully clothed on top of the bed-covers, with Ray curled up in pajamas and tucked away in the bed – Fraser holding him in gentle but firm embrace through the quilts. Just lying there, caring for him. It had been lovely. And completely non-threatening – Ray had fallen asleep almost immediately, and had woken alone the next morning with a smile on his face.

So what would have happened if Ray had reached for his friend, and kissed him, moved over him… How would it have been?

No. Too much. Too crazy. Ray turned away with a groan. How could he want something this much, and _not_ want it just as strongly, all at the same time?

The Mountie was standing there facing him, blocking the door. Ray said, ‘I have to go. Let me go, Fraser.’

‘Without one kiss?’

Ray laughed at that, nervous and relieved at once. ‘What, _you’re_ quoting movies now?’

The man waited, with those Canadian hands safely linked behind his back as if he was on guard duty, so Ray walked closer. Shaking Italian hands stuffed firmly into his coat pockets. It was the lightest and sweetest and most delicate of kisses – and perhaps all the more stirring, for it suggested dizzy heights where one puff of breath was enough to make you fall forever into the urgent need. Ray drew back and looked at his friend in wonder.

Fraser’s eyes implored him for more, exerting some kind of gravitational pull on the cop, but when the Mountie finally spoke he said, ‘Not yet.’

Rebellion surged through him, and Ray demanded, ‘Why not?’

‘Because you don’t know what you’d do with me.’

‘I’d –’ But Ray thought of the hardness of another man’s body against his, and he broke away. ‘I have to go. I’m sorry, but I have to go.’

‘I’m sorry, too.’

‘I wish this was still fun. It’s been fun, Fraser, but it’s difficult now.’

‘Yes,’ the man reassuringly agreed. ‘That’s all right, Ray, you needn’t worry. This still doesn’t have to lead anywhere.’

‘Maybe it does. Maybe it does have to.’ Which was all the cop could manage by way of a promise. ‘I know we said we’d wing it, but you have a plan, right?’

‘Oh yes.’

Ray found a smile from somewhere. The Mountie had a plan, Fraser no doubt had a dozen theories and schemes and strategies. ‘Well, that’s OK, then,’ Ray said. ‘We’ll follow the plan.’

Fraser nodded, and stood aside to let the cop go.

♦

‘It was the Mountie’s idea, sir,’ Ray said. ‘The woman is a neighbor of his.’ And then he mentally kicked himself.

Welsh nodded and leaned back in his chair. ‘Ah, the Mountie. I should have known he’d be involved. And how did he talk you into this one?’

‘It seemed the right thing to do, sir.’

‘Constable Fraser appealed to your better nature, Detective?’ Welsh appeared skeptical. ‘If I’d known you had one I’d have used it myself.’

Ray indulged himself by grimacing at his boss while the man’s attention was briefly elsewhere. ‘Why else would I do this kind of work? Sir.’

‘So you believe the woman’s husband won’t be stalking her anymore?’

‘I think we scared him off.’

‘You realize that, legally speaking, your actions fall into a very grey area, Vecchio? If the man filed a complaint against you, I wouldn’t be betting any money on your future career prospects.’

‘Yes, sir.’

‘And it took a great deal of your time. How many real cases do you have on your desk at present?’

‘Nineteen.’ Ray swallowed, and tried again. ‘Lieutenant, the woman’s life was in danger…’

‘Only nineteen?’

‘I had an epiphany or two, sir.’

‘Ah. Was it painful?’

‘No, sir.’

Welsh pondered for a moment, and then made his pronouncement. ‘It’s good that the woman’s safe now. But _don’t_ go getting caught up in situations of such dubious legality, Vecchio. If you do, you will not find any support here. That’s all.’

Ray cast him a surprised look. ‘That’s all?’

‘I’d probably complain louder about your extracurricular activities, Detective, if you weren’t also working through an alarming number of cases. Just do yourself a favor and next time the Mountie urges you to participate in one of his odd little schemes, think twice about it. Think five or six times about it. Understood, Vecchio?’

‘Yes, sir,’ Ray replied fervently. ‘Understood, sir. Believe me, I do.’ And he turned tail and ran.

♦

Ray feinted left, let a beat go by and feinted left again so that Fraser committed himself – then ran right and threw for the basket while on the move. Despite a late lunge from the Mountie, the ball hit the board and fell through the hoop, no net. ‘Woo hoo!’ Ray called. ‘That’s fourteen / twelve, Benny. One more point and I win.’

The Mountie’s expression grew even more determined as he bounced the ball firmly in place and considered his next move. Ray hovered before him, crouching easily and shifting his weight from foot to foot, ready for anything. Fraser stood straight for a moment, rolled each shoulder back and stretched his neck.

Ray grinned at him. ‘You’re not going to distract me like that,’ he declared.

‘I beg your pardon?’

‘You know you look good in those track-pants and that sweater. They designed casual clothes for bodies like yours. Not that I mind…’

‘No?’ Fraser bounced the ball, caught it against his left palm, bounced it in a V and caught it against his right. ‘Why not?’

‘They designed Armani suits for bodies like mine, so I get to make the better impression.’ Ray let his grin grow suggestive. ‘But I also get to see you at your best in sweaty cotton.’

They were at an empty indoor court, with no one nearer than the walkway and seats fifteen feet above them. Nevertheless, Fraser looked around for witnesses before murmuring, ‘Do you find me to be a temptation in these clothes?’

‘Oh yeah,’ Ray breathed, offering the man a smoldering glance. ‘I’m not the only one with a cute butt, you know.’

The Mountie blinked in surprise. The ball was heading for Fraser’s left palm again. Ray batted it out of its trajectory, caught it up with his right hand, and spun around. He’d dashed forward out of Fraser’s reach before the Canadian had even realized what was going on. Another clean shot.

‘Woo hoo!’ Ray danced around. ‘Fifteen / twelve. I win!’

Fraser was smiling at him, generous in defeat. ‘Congratulations, Ray, you deserved that one, you were in front through the entire game. Though I think some of your tactics were a little suspect.’

‘Hey, consider it a lesson in how to play Chicago-style.’ Ray scooped up his sweater and wiped his face with it before shrugging it on. ‘God, I hardly ever win pick-up basketball against you, even though you play by the rules.’ Comfortable silence, as Ray drank half his bottle of Evian and gave the rest to Fraser, then gathered up their gear and stuffed it into his bag.

‘You’re happy,’ Fraser quietly commented between mouthfuls of water. ‘You look especially handsome when you’re pleased with yourself, Ray.’

‘Enjoy it while you can. No doubt I’ll get cranky again real soon.’ Which is when something awful occurred to Ray. He slowly turned his head to look up at the Mountie. ‘You let me win, didn’t you?’

Self-consciousness told the story.

‘Why did you do that?’ Ray demanded angrily, standing up. ‘What is that – another Christmas present for both of us? That’s so unfair.’

‘Unfair?’

‘And dishonest! You patronizing little –’

‘Well, I’m sorry, Ray.’

‘Oh, don’t give me that, you know you never mean it.’

‘Then why would I say it?’

‘Because you’re so _polite_ all the time!’ Ray spat out furiously. ‘But politeness doesn’t mean very much between friends, Fraser.’ He took a pace or two away, thinking hard. ‘This dating thing, it _is_ bringing out the worst in us. You’re treating me really nice, really careful.’

‘And that’s a bad thing?’

‘Yes! You used to treat me terribly, you took advantage of me. You used to _assume_ I’d provide you with a taxi service no matter what – yesterday you asked me nicely, and offered to pay for gas!’

Fraser was looking confused, but there was also defensiveness writ large throughout him. Ray must be on the right track here.

‘Sometimes I didn’t like you very much, Fraser, sometimes I’d let you make me feel like dirt. But at least you used to be honest with me! We’ve lost that. We’ve lost something real personal, you know, something that meant something between us.’

‘Honest and personal?’ Fraser tried, glancing above them to see if there was anybody listening in to Ray’s tirade. ‘We’ve been talking more, Ray. About our work and about our lives. I thought we had made a great deal of progress in that regard.’

‘OK, yeah, that’s been good. But you’re so formal with me. It’s like, we should be closer than ever, but we’re not.’

‘I see.’

‘This hasn’t gone far enough.’

‘But you don’t want –’

‘I’m not talking about sex, for God’s sake,’ Ray spat at him. ‘I’m talking about how we behave with each other.’

Fraser had retreated behind that bland expression, perhaps too shocked right now to deal with this. Nevertheless, he said faintly, ‘Is that why you don’t trust this enough to accept me?’

‘Maybe.’

A nod, just a little one, to acknowledge the truth of that. The man was so pale.

Ray sighed, and showed him some mercy. ‘It’s all right, Benny love, we’ll work it out. Trust, that’s what we need. But it goes both ways. You have to trust me to like you for who you are under all those Canadian manners of yours, OK? You have to know that I like the real Benton Fraser.’

Another nod, though the Mountie was in no state to really take all this in.

‘Come on, I’ll drive you home. We can have an espresso, right?’ Ray smiled. ‘And we don’t have to talk or kiss or anything. We can just be together for a while, and maybe take Dief for a walk.’

‘Yes, Ray.’

‘As long as you don’t change out of those track-pants, because I think it’s really important right now for me to be thinking you’ve got a cute butt, OK?’

‘Yes, Ray,’ the fellow responded with something like his former certainty. And he even offered Ray a smile – just a small smile but a genuine one.

♦

They had kissed yesterday after their game of pick-up basketball, despite Ray’s intention to give Fraser a little room. They had kissed goodnight before Ray left for the evening, and the kiss had been sweet and pure and rich. Delicious. Stirring at some frighteningly deep level. Ray couldn’t stop thinking about it, reliving it. Hardly caring any more about what else they might do together – if Fraser’s kisses were involved, then anything else they did would surely be wonderful. Yes, surely he could cope…

It was midday, and Ray was driving to the headquarters of a security firm, intending to interview one of the managers about a recent robbery. He found himself taking a three block detour to drive past the Canadian Consulate, only consciously realizing what he was doing when he spotted Fraser standing guard duty.

Poor idiot – it was a cold day. Ray wondered if they’d make Fraser do that even when it snowed, which it was bound to do soon for Christmas was only eight days away now.

And here was Ray witlessly cruising past as if he was a lovelorn teenager. Or lustlorn, to be more accurate. No matter how insulting Ray might be about that uniform, Fraser sure looked good in it. And that solid upright stance of his – power held in check. Very nice. Yes, it must be time for Ray to start considering all that strength without feeling threatened. For Ray to be attracted by the gentle but undeniable masculinity of the fellow.

Ray had parked the Riviera without thinking about it, in a space just down the street. Fraser must have seen him and be wondering what was going on. Ray sighed, and climbed out of the car – he supposed he should go and say hello now he was here.

When he walked over, though, it seemed difficult to say anything. Fraser stood there, not reacting to Ray’s presence in the slightest, which was only to be expected. Ray had to admire how seriously the Mountie took this duty, even though the cop thought it was the stupidest thing out. Here they had one of the finest law enforcement officers in America or Canada working for them, and what did they do? – use him as a decoration.

Although, now he thought of it, Ray could see the sense in that. Fraser was so handsome it was ludicrous. Ray would wager good money that the Consulate was never so often photographed as when Constable Benton Fraser stood before it. The man probably generated a whole flood of visa applications, too.

‘Hey,’ Ray murmured after a while, kind of loitering by Fraser’s shoulder. ‘I just figured I’d say hello. I guess I must have missed you.’ He cast a look up and down the street. ‘I’ve been thinking about you. A lot. Do you think about me?’

No reaction, not even a blink.

‘I have no idea how you pass the time when you’re standing there like that. I’d die of boredom. Though if it was me right now…’ Ray sighed, wandered around a bit. ‘You know what? I can’t stop thinking about kissing you. It’s driving me crazy.’

A few people strode or strolled past. Some of them stared. Ray waited them out, kind of keeping an eye on the Mountie, who might have been made of stone for all the signs of life he showed.

‘I’m beginning to figure I don’t care about not knowing what to do with you. I’m starting to feel like I don’t care what we do as long as we do it, you know? Yeah,’ Ray breathed. Oh, it felt good to be saying this, getting it all off his chest, and the Mountie just standing there listening to him, unable to react. ‘Thing is,’ Ray confessed, ‘you’ve been getting me real hot and bothered lately. Did you know that?’

Nary a blink.

‘Of course you know that, what am I talking about? You’ve been real patient, because I know you’ve been getting steamed, too. I’m scared as hell, Benny, and I have no idea –’ He broke off to let a passer-by pass by. What had possessed Ray to do this at lunchtime, for God’s sake? ‘– what we’ll do. The point is, I want to do it. I want to do it, and real soon, OK?’

Perhaps the slightest flush on those pale cheeks.

‘Sorry, Benny, but I had to tell you. I know you have plans…’ Something occurred to Ray. ‘Hell, you probably have it all planned for Christmas, don’t you? A present for both of us. Well, we can follow the plan, that’s all right. I can wait if I have to. God, I want you, though. Want you badly.’

Ray looked around him at the city, at the Consulate building, at the people, then back at the immovable Mountie. Why did Ray Vecchio always do this to himself, why did he find himself doing the most humiliating things?

‘I just thought you should know,’ he said lamely, ‘I’m ready for it whenever you are.’ Ray was staring at that graven face as if seeing it for the first time. ‘How did you get to be so beautiful?’ he asked in a murmur. ‘It’s just ridiculous how beautiful you are. And the way you kiss – I’m a goner, do you realize that? I have no idea how I’m gonna cope with the way you make love, but I guess we can wing that, too.’

And Ray suddenly realized what he was doing. Whispering sweet nothings to the Mountie while he was on guard duty. _Oh my God I’m a moron_ …

‘I’ve got to go,’ Ray abruptly announced. ‘I’ll pick you up at four like you said. I mean, call me on the cell if your plans change.’ He backed away, almost tripping some kid up, and then Ray fled for the Riviera.

The Mountie continued to stand there as if nothing in the world would ever have the slightest effect on him.

♦

Ray was stoked, for he had conducted the interview at the security firm with great subtlety and wit, and was of the opinion that he might have uncovered a larger crime than anyone else had expected. He was a few minutes late to pick Fraser up from work, which was a good excuse to push the Riv to the limits possible on crowded city streets. Tearing up to the Consulate, he double-parked and beckoned to the Mountie. ‘Yo, Benny!’

Fraser and Diefenbaker had apparently been conversing, and had not noticed him drive up. They now hurried into the car, with Fraser casting conscious looks at the traffic the Riviera was blocking. ‘Good afternoon, Ray,’ he said as he placed the Stetson on the dash. ‘How was your day?’

‘God, it was so good,’ Ray declared as he put his foot down and the Riv gathered speed. ‘You should have been there, I just interrogated this guy and wormed all this information out of him, and he didn’t even realize. You’d have been proud of me, Benny. I did it so smooth and clever he probably still doesn’t have a clue.’

‘That is excellent,’ Fraser said politely.

Ray cast him a glance. ‘How was _your_ day? Pretty bad?’

‘Well, Ray, I spent most of the afternoon on guard duty and then catching up with yesterday’s filing, while trying to remember how cold it was when I fell into the Prince Rupert Sound. That seemed to be efficacious, which was lucky, as I could not take a cold shower.’

‘Oh.’ Ray felt terrible. ‘I’m sorry. I should have apologized before, but I was so pleased about the interview I sort of forgot…’ He glanced at Fraser, but couldn’t read what lurked beneath the blank expression. ‘I didn’t mean for that to happen, I just… started talking, and discovered I had things to say. I hadn’t even meant to come by here. You couldn’t have been more surprised than I was.’

A long moment. ‘Apology accepted.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes.’ Though the tone was quite clipped. ‘Would you mind if we ran one errand for the Consulate, Ray? If know it’s an imposition, but –’

‘Yeah, it’s OK. Where to?’

‘If you take the next right, we need to find 113 Gramercy.’

Ray sped around the corner without indicating, but that didn’t draw a comment. ‘Delivering maple syrup? Something vital like that?’

‘No, it’s the Consulate’s Christmas function tomorrow night, if you recall. I am delivering the approved program for the choir.’ A significant pause. ‘You’re still available to accompany me, I hope.’

‘Sure.’ Ray sighed. ‘Look, I’m doing the late shift providing protection for one of Huey and Louie’s witnesses. I was supposed to tomorrow night as well, but I told them it would cause a diplomatic incident.’

‘Thank you, Ray.’

‘Do you and Dief want to come along tonight, at least for the evening? The work is boring as hell, but it’s a classy hotel. We could order some pizza, and talk or something. Be together.’

Another pause. Ray stole a glance at the man, and was glad to see he was looking slightly less frozen. ‘That would be very pleasant,’ Fraser said.

♦

‘Ah,’ Huey observed in that rich patronizing voice of his. ‘Ray brought his Mountie friend along.’

‘Good idea,’ Gardino added sourly – ‘you might need back-up.’

Ray laughed. ‘Just because she’s taken a dislike to you, Louie, doesn’t mean she’ll give either of us any trouble at all.’

‘That’s Louis, Vecchio – and don’t count on it.’ And the two detectives vacated the premises with the utmost speed.

‘Ms. Hobart?’ Ray headed for the bedroom of the hotel suite, leaving the Mountie to loiter in the main room. ‘It’s Detective Vecchio. Huey and Louie have just left for the night.’

She was sprawled on the bed staring round-eyed at the television – a pretty, and pretty vacant, nineteen-year-old. ‘Get out of here! Can’t you see I’m watching the movie? God, why are you all such idiots?’

Plastering his smile on even thicker, Ray asked, ‘Do you want anything from room service? I’m going to order some dinner.’

‘No! Get!’ And the request was punctuated by a pillow flying through the air.

Ray got. ‘Charming girl,’ he said quietly to Fraser. Ray brought the room service menu over to the coffee table, and they sat on the couch and put their heads together over it. ‘I think we’re safe, at least until the end of the movie.’

‘Who is she?’

‘Charlene Hobart. She’s only nineteen, but she was bonking this big mafia guy. Huey’s trying to work out whether she’s a credible witness or not. Either way, she’s made a deal so she doesn’t do time for some other stuff.’

‘Ms. Hobart learned information relevant to his crimes during a liaison with this man?’

‘A liaison?’ Ray looked at him. ‘Is that what they’d call it in Canada?’

‘I realize the word isn’t as crude as the one you used to refer to the relationship, but –’

‘You make it sound so romantic.’

Fraser met his gaze. ‘Maybe it was, Ray.’

A long moment as they stared at each other. They were sitting so close together. They were rarely ever this close without leaning in and kissing... And there was the Mountie talking romance. ‘Oh God,’ Ray said hoarsely. ‘I think I should be in love with you.’ He took a breath. ‘I actually think that would be the smart thing to do right now.’

Without moving more than his eyes, Fraser glanced towards the short corridor that led to the bedroom. Apparently they were alone, for Fraser looked back at Ray, and then pressed a careful kiss to Ray’s temple. ‘I think so, too,’ he whispered.

♦

When Ray answered the door the following evening he found a Mountie on his front doorstep, spick and span in his dress reds – that was only to be expected. What the cop hadn’t expected was the extravagant bunch of exotic flowers cradled in Fraser’s arms. ‘Oh God,’ Ray groaned, though he couldn’t help grinning from ear to ear. ‘When you want to humiliate me you really go to town, don’t you?’

Fraser was looking at him across the expanse of white orchids and lilies and baby’s breath and ferny greenery – face pale and serious, eyes ice blue.

‘Come in, you idiot. Do we have a moment? I know we’re due at the Consulate in half an hour, and you’ll want to be early.’ But Fraser was just standing there. Ray tried, ‘They’re beautiful, and this is incredibly embarrassing. What am I supposed to tell Francesca when she asks who sent the flowers?’

‘Well, Ray, I believe you can safely tell her the truth, because I brought them for your mother.’

‘Oh.’ Ray found himself quite disappointed, which was ridiculous. ‘Will you hurry up and come inside? It’s cold out there.’

‘Would you hold these for a moment?’ Fraser asked, handing the flowers over.

‘Sure.’ Ray gathered them up in both arms, and then couldn’t resist burying his face in them and inhaling. He found a smile again, anticipating his Ma’s pleasure. ‘They really are beautiful, and she’s going to love them.’

‘I brought these for you,’ Fraser said, stepping in through the door at last. He had three plastic boxes in his hands, each containing a buttonhole of a different color. ‘I wasn’t sure what you’d be wearing…’

Ray gaped. ‘Oh,’ he said, inadvertently sounding like the Mountie. ‘Here, you’d better be the one to hand these over,’ he suggested. They spent a clumsy moment there in the hall swapping burdens, then Ray stared down at the boxes in his hands. Each arrangement was simple and quite tasteful – there was a pale pink orchid with a single piece of fern, and a blood-red carnation, and a white rosebud tightly furled against a spray of dark leaves. ‘Which do you reckon?’

‘The choice is yours, Ray. You do indeed have an eye for style and color.’

Ray cast a glance down at his clothes – formal black evening suit, white collar-less shirt, forest-green waistcoat, all understated elegance. ‘The rose,’ he said.

‘Yes.’

‘Only other time I’ve worn a buttonhole is when I was best man at my cousin’s wedding.’ Ray put the other two boxes on the hall table. ‘Can Maria and Franny have these?’ he asked.

‘Of course. I assume your sisters are not here tonight.’ He’d probably figured that out because the house was so quiet. ‘You could keep the flowers in the refrigerator for tomorrow.’ And the Mountie helped Ray fasten the rosebud to his lapel, taking the opportunity to then surreptitiously run a hand over Ray’s shoulder and down the back of his arm to his elbow.

Ray found he was so hungry now that even this simple caress sent a shudder through him. ‘Come on,’ he whispered, ‘Ma’s in the lounge room. Let’s go see her before I do something I’ll regret.’

‘Like kiss me, Ray?’ Fraser asked. Provoking bastard.

‘Yeah, exactly like that.’

Ma Vecchio was absolutely delighted by the generous bunch of flowers, of course. Ray kept the memory of her smile with him all evening, and it warmed him – his mother had had too little happiness in her life. Though that was all tempered by the fact he’d have to tell her sooner rather than later about Benton Fraser’s changing relationship with her oldest son. Ray had no idea how she’d take the news. He sighed at this thought, and returned his attention to his date.

♦

‘Would you like an espresso?’ Fraser offered once they reached his apartment.

‘Sure.’ Ray followed him in, loitered with his hands in his pockets. Dief wandered over to say hello, and then sat there staring at the Mountie. Perhaps the wolf was missing his human friend now the man spent a fair few evenings each week dating someone.

‘You were on your best behavior tonight, Ray,’ the Mountie observed. ‘I didn’t once hear you being rude about Canadians, though I know you felt sorely provoked at least twice.’

‘Well, I didn’t want to embarrass you in front of the people you work with.’

Fraser looked across at the cop while he waited for the espresso machine to heat up. ‘I appreciate that, Ray. Although I recall you recently asking me to treat you more honestly and less politely.’

‘When we’re alone, at least, yeah. Hell, I don’t mind so much you treating me nice when we’re with other people… Elaine actually said to me the other day she was beginning to understand why we’re friends. Said she couldn’t figure it out before, we used to be as bad as each other, the way we’re so dismissive, and that’s no basis for a friendship.’

‘I see.’

‘I didn’t thank you,’ Ray said, wandering around outside the dim circle of lamplight.

‘For what?’ the Mountie asked once he’d made the first cup of coffee. The noise the machine made wasn’t conducive to conversation.

‘Elaine must have helped you, right? I didn’t thank you for putting those Christmas lights up over my desk. It’s cool. That corner of the office is usually real dark in winter, and now it looks sort of special.’

Fraser was watching him. ‘My pleasure, Ray. You deserved some Christmas cheer.’ He brought the coffee over to the cop, and headed back to make himself one. Then they both stood there, stranded, sipping at the strong brew. ‘May I make a confession?’ the Mountie asked.

‘More ulterior motives?’

‘No doubt, but that wasn’t what I was going to tell you.’

Ray grinned. ‘What?’

‘I was very tempted, at the Consulate, to ask you to dance.’

‘Oh God,’ Ray said, caught between a laugh and a groan. ‘And there I was trying to be so discreet.’

‘Would you have said yes?’

‘Get out of here! No way!’

Fraser nodded, managing to convey both disappointment and resignation. ‘Of course you wouldn’t.’

‘Two men waltzing around the Consulate ballroom in each other’s arms, one of them their very own Royal Canadian Mounted Deputy Liaison Officer – talk about your diplomatic incidents. You’re kidding, right?’ Ray waited through a brief silence. Fraser was looking blandly serious. ‘You were really tempted to do that? I can’t even waltz, Fraser.’

‘I could show you,’ the man whispered. And he put his coffee down, and approached the cop.

It all happened in a daze. Fraser stood within a few inches of him and gently arranged Ray so they were in the proper formation – Ray vaguely fearing he was not in the man’s role – and the Mountie murmured, ‘Trust me,’ before leading the cop slowly around the room. ‘Follow me, Ray. _One_ two three, _one_ two three…’ It was kind of mesmerizing. ‘That’s it,’ Fraser said, ‘don’t think about it.’

Which is, of course, when Ray _did_ think about it, and promptly stumbled over his own feet. ‘Damn,’ he muttered. ‘I can’t do this.’

‘Yes, you can, if you let yourself.’ Rather than stop and start again, Fraser spun them both around for a moment until Ray was slightly dizzy, and then resumed. ‘Follow your instincts. _One_ two three, _one_ two three…’

‘Did your grandmother teach you this?’

‘Don’t talk, just dance with me, Ray.’

‘Did she?’

‘Yes. Trust me, Ray, move with me.’ Fraser was meeting Ray’s gaze very directly, those blue eyes warm and demanding. ‘She didn’t teach me this, however…’

And Ray found himself spun about, and thrown to rest back over Fraser’s arm, head hanging. Feeling horribly foolish, he was about to protest, but then he met that blue gaze again. Fraser required Ray’s complete trust. And Ray decided to bless his friend with it, however briefly.

Slowly Fraser drew him up into an embrace, and bent his head to meet Ray’s mouth with his own. They kissed, sweet and sure. Ray figured it was the most romantic moment in his whole life. Almost superfluous for the Mountie to break away and murmur against the cop’s lips, ‘I love you, Ray Vecchio.’

‘Of course you do, Benton Fraser,’ he replied. Ray stood up, and wound his arms around the Mountie’s shoulders before kissing him again. ‘Tonight?’ he asked when they broke for air, forehead touching forehead. ‘You and me tonight. Is that the plan?’

‘No, Ray.’ There was a note of regret in the man’s voice, though it was also very firm.

Ray sighed, and pulled away from arms that were reluctant to let him go. ‘Then I’d better leave,’ he said. ‘Because I don’t trust myself right now not to just jump you and damn the consequences.’

Those blue eyes were imploring him, but Fraser remained silent.

‘It’s been one hell of a night,’ Ray said.

‘Yes, it has.’ The tone rough and needy.

Ray took a breath, trying to quell a shudder of reaction. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow, all right? You’re still coming to the classic car show with me? I’ll pick you up by eleven.’

‘Yes, Ray.’

Maybe it was the hardest thing Ray had ever done, to walk away from Fraser just then.

♦

Fraser wasn’t exactly into cars, but he seemed happy enough to follow Ray around with Dief trailing along behind, both of them listening while the cop expounded on all things vehicular. Ray took his time browsing extensively through the dealers’ displays, gathering pamphlets and catalogues, and happily discovering a new mail order service specializing in Buick parts and accessories. Then he led the Mountie off to wander along rows of shiny Corvettes and Chevrolets and Jaguars, Cobras and Cadillacs and Ferraris.

Fraser seemed attracted to the smaller cars. Ray found him looking admiringly at an MGB. ‘You’d never fit into it,’ Ray advised the man. ‘And you’d have to strap the wolf onto the trunk.’

‘Don’t you find it an appealing car?’ Fraser asked.

‘No, I like them big and bold, remember?’

The Mountie was cheeky enough to cast him a hot glance. Ray felt his face flame red. Fraser looked apologetic and meandered on to the next car. ‘Austin Healy Sprite,’ he announced. ‘Is this any better, Ray?’

‘Yeah, it’s real cute,’ Ray said sarcastically – ‘for a mobile glove compartment.’

‘Er, a Porsche 911?’

‘Absolutely. I’ll trade the Riviera in right now. I always wanted a car I could just slip into my pocket rather than having to find a parking space all the time.’

Fraser acknowledged his mistake, and they wandered on.

‘I love the Riv, you know,’ Ray tried to explain. ‘They’re extremely rare. I was haunting places and shops and shows like this for years, reading magazines, waiting for just the right one. Remember that Mercedes I used to drive? Definitely a stopgap measure. I was waiting for my Riviera. Finally tracked one down all the way over in Buffalo. I took a couple of days off work and Tony drove me out there to look at it.’ Ray smiled fondly at the memory. ‘The trip home, I took my time and I fell in love. That was one of the best moments in my life.’

‘I’m beginning to understand,’ Fraser said thoughtfully.

And apparently he was. They both wandered off, and Ray lost his friend for a while amidst the cars. Dief trotted up a while later, yapping and dancing about – it seemed he wanted Ray to follow him. The cop discovered the Mountie in the middle of an argument with some huge guy standing by an Oldsmobile Cutlass convertible. At least, the huge guy obviously considered it an argument.

‘No, I have to disagree with you there, sir,’ the Mountie was saying in the firmest but most reasonable of tones. ‘And there is no finer example of Detroit’s excellence in automotive engineering than the 1971 Buick Riviera…’

‘Well, that may be,’ the other man responded in an overly polite voice. ‘But to find a really good car, you need to go to Lansing.’

‘Lansing, Michigan?’

‘That’s right.’

‘I don’t think so, sir, I believe you should start in Detroit, and you need look no further than –’

‘Benny!’ Ray tugged him out of hitting distance. ‘Sorry about that,’ he said to the guy as he backed away with Fraser in tow. ‘My friend here, he’s Canadian. He’s right about the Riv, of course, but he has no idea what kind of a riot he could start by talking like that.’ The guy eventually nodded, and Ray took his friend and got out of there. ‘What did you think you were doing?’

‘I was trying to get into the spirit of things.’

‘There are times you talk like that – on the playground – and times you respect another man’s love for his stupid car. What is this – love me, love my Riv?’

‘Isn’t that the deal?’ the Mountie asked innocently.

Ray laughed. ‘Admit it – you were just having fun arguing about something you know nothing about.’

Fraser looked at him, kind of mischievous. ‘Well, that makes no sense at all, Ray. Why would I do that?’

‘ _No sense_ ,’ Ray complained. ‘Yeah, right.’ And the cop led the Mountie off to look round the rest of the show. ‘You stick close by me, OK? And we’ll be fine.’

♦

Something wasn’t quite right with Fraser. They had returned to his apartment after the car show, and were drinking espresso at the tiny table while examining all the glossy stuff Ray had brought back with him. The Mountie seemed kind of nervous or unsettled, and Ray was having a hard time figuring him out. ‘What is it, Benny?’ the cop finally asked.

‘What is what, Ray?’ was the smooth reply.

‘Don’t give me that. What’s wrong?’

‘Nothing,’ the fellow said with a brave smile. That blue gaze met Ray’s as if daring him to make anything of it. ‘Would you like another coffee? And I believe I have some biscuits here, if Diefenbaker hasn’t located them yet.’

‘Biscuits?’

‘Cookies, Ray.’

‘Sure, that’d be good.’

Fraser smiled, and stood up. As he turned away, a whole heap of the pamphlets went with him and drifted across the floor. Ray saved Fraser’s coffee cup from falling more by luck than good management, and then stared as the Mountie dropped to his knees to pick up the bits of paper with shaking hands.

‘Benny?’ The Mountie was never that clumsy. Ray got down there with him, and began gathering the stuff together. ‘Come on, what’s wrong?’

‘Really, nothing’s wrong, Ray.’ Another direct smile, but it took an effort for the Mountie to give the cop that reassurance. ‘I’m perfectly fine.’

Ray frowned at him, reached a hand to run his knuckles down that pale cheek. Fraser was completely still under his touch, as if waiting. Ray lifted his other hand to Fraser’s far shoulder, brought him near, and leaned in to kiss him.

Hunger. Immediate and undeniable and overwhelming. Ray moaned, knowing he was lost this time. Hell, he’d been lost from that very first moment at the coffee shop, and he’d known it all along. He shifted a little closer, still on his knees, let his hands drop to press palms and fingers to Fraser’s waist through the flannel shirt and sweater. Ah, that’s what he’d done wrong this time – those bold Italian hands were free to roam where they pleased, and they were taking Ray along for the ride.

He broke away for a moment to see Fraser all pale and imploring, but not moving a muscle. Passively waiting, passively wanting. Ray had expected a protest of some kind, talk of the grand plan. But, no, Fraser would let it happen, he’d let Ray do this – and Ray wanted it, Ray wanted it right now. He shifted again so he was fully facing Fraser, shifted until their knees were together on the floor, hands slipping around Fraser’s waist to pull him close.

Kissing again, like starving creatures. Holding onto each other with desperate hands as if for dear life, the passivity forgotten. Dragging each other closer, thighs touching through denim and gabardine. And then magic bursting through Ray as hips met, his manhood sparking electricity against matching hardness. Ray broke the kiss and let his head fall back, gasping for air, but neither would let the other go now. Fraser nipped kisses around the base of Ray’s throat. It felt like they were bound together from waist down to knees and all that was in between, bound together by a world’s worth of hunger.

How could he have found the thought of this distasteful? Ray lifted his head again and stared at his friend. Loving his masculinity, adoring the mirrored lusty need, wanting this man’s strength. ‘Love you, Benny,’ he murmured, ‘love you…’

‘Yes.’

‘Love you.’ And they were kissing again. One arm each round the other’s waist, their free hands fumbling with shirt buttons.

They didn’t make it to the bed. Getting to the bed would have involved losing that blessed contact, breaking the powerful flow and feedback. Apart only long enough to unfasten jeans and trousers, push them and shirt-tails out of the way – and then Fraser was falling back onto the floorboards, bringing Ray with him.

‘Is this –?’ Ray found the answer before he’d finished the question. Flesh touched hard flesh, and the electricity crackled through him. Moving against each other, arrhythmic. Beautiful and fierce. Fraser’s hands slipping inside Ray’s loosened trousers to cup his buttocks, provide strangely gentle massage in the midst of all this driven passion.

Lightning strike.

Blinding energy crashed into him, burned through him. Ray fell with a hoarse cry, found his friend shuddering and wrapped him up in loving arms. ‘Ah, Benny,’ Ray was muttering, ‘ah, Benny love.’

They held each other until the world returned around them. It was still the same afternoon on the same day, Ray discovered. The city was still Chicago, the car show pamphlets were still scattered across the unforgiving floor, Dief was still lurking in the corner with his back to them. The brief timeless madness had passed. Fraser began blessing Ray’s face with gentle kisses.

‘I’m sorry,’ the cop murmured, and as he said it his heart broke. ‘I’m sorry, love.’

‘Whatever for?’

‘I couldn’t wait anymore. I spoiled the plan. Benny, I’m really –’

‘No, don’t say it.’ Fraser let amusement escape him. ‘Ray, there’s no need to apologize.’

‘There isn’t?’

‘Apologize for the strength of your passion? Your need for me that could not be denied a moment longer?’

‘Yeah.’ Ray sighed. ‘You probably had it all worked out, what we were going to do. Something sweet, I bet, something nice.’

Fraser laughed out loud then, sounding delighted. ‘Ray my love, _this_ was the plan.’

Ray looked at him suspiciously. ‘What? Me pounding you into the floorboards?’ He frowned a little, cast a glance at his friend’s generous body lying beside him, and asked, ‘How’s your back, Benny? Did I hurt you?’

Another laugh. ‘Oh, Ray, Ray, Ray.’ Fraser kissed him, smack on the mouth. It appeared that the Mountie was in a bubblingly good mood. ‘Yes, now you mention it, we might adjourn to the bed.’

They clambered to their feet, hampered by hanging onto each other, hindered by their clothing disarranged every which way. As they stumbled across the room, Fraser began undressing them, but he hadn’t gotten further than shirts and shoes by the time they fell into a loose embrace on the narrow bed.

Kisses, then, tired and relentless and bruising. Once Fraser had regained his seriousness, Ray asked again, ‘What was the plan?’

Fraser quietened to steadily meet Ray’s gaze. ‘I was waiting until you were ready, Ray. I wanted to let it happen naturally between us.’

‘That’s it?’

‘Well, I didn’t say it was a _good_ plan.’

Ray quelled this renewed humor with a glare. ‘So, why was I finally ready today?’

‘I don’t know, Ray. I hoped it would happen last night, but it didn’t.’

‘You really wanted it, huh?’

‘Oh yes.’ Those blue eyes very true. For once it seemed the Mountie was hiding nothing. ‘All I know,’ Fraser continued, ‘is that you’ve been brave enough and strong enough to give yourself the time you needed.’

‘Needed for what?’

Fraser kind of shrugged within their embrace. ‘Why are you asking me, Ray? Time to get used to the idea. Time to fall in love with me. Time to work out whether you were sure – sure of me, sure of yourself, sure of us.’

Ray sighed, and began exploring that handsome face with a careful finger. ‘Oh, is _that_ what I was doing?’

‘You had to be sure in your soul.’

A bitter laugh escaped him. ‘You have me all sussed out, don’t you?’

‘No.’ The Mountie was looking at him, very directly. ‘No, I don’t, Ray. If I did, I’d have caught you long before now. But every time I thought I’d win through, you were strong enough to turn me aside. I promise you, this only happened because you were ready for it.’

At first he couldn’t quite believe what Fraser was saying, but Ray searched the man’s expression and couldn’t find any hint of deception. The only manipulation he spied was Fraser wanting – with all his formidable will, wanting Ray to listen to his truth. Eventually Ray gave in and smiled. ‘Yeah, I’m ready for it, Benny love,’ he murmured. ‘I’m ready for it again, right here, right now.’

Fraser kissed him. ‘What would you like to do?’ he asked.

‘Hell, Benny, I don’t know. I’m still making this up as we go along…’

They managed to work something out.

♦

‘Let me make you a cup of coffee,’ Ray said to his mother. ‘Sit down, you’ve been on your feet all day.’

‘There’s still half the baking to be done for Christmas,’ she said softly, and there was no reproach or complaint in her tone. Nevertheless, she sat down at the kitchen table, clearing enough room for them to not feel crowded.

‘You take such good care of us. You work so hard, you must hate the festive season.’

‘No, of course not.’ It seemed this idea had never even occurred to her. ‘All the smiles on your beautiful faces…’ And as Ray put two mugs of coffee down on the table she reached up to caress and pat his cheek.

‘Ma…’ he groaned, though he couldn’t help grinning. They sat there in silence for a time, comfortable. This was only the sixth Christmas in their home since they all began having faith enough in each other to be comfortable. ‘Ma,’ Ray eventually said, ‘I have something to tell you. I want to tell you something about me, but I don’t think you’re going to like it.’

She was looking at him with wariness in her expression, but strength as well, and she said, ‘Tell me, _caro_ , whatever it is, and I’ll still love you.’

‘I’ll still love you, too, Ma.’ And he let the silence return, his coffee sitting forgotten.

‘Tell me,’ she said after a few minutes had gone by.

‘I’m in love, Ma, I’ve found someone. I’m very happy.’ He stared at her, unsure how to go on.

‘That’s _good_ news, why shouldn’t I like that?’ She frowned. ‘Won’t I like her, Raymond? Is she married to someone else?’

‘The thing is, it’s not a woman, Ma. I’m in love with Benny.’ A blank look greeted this news. Ray tried, ‘Fraser, I’m seeing Fraser.’

‘Fraser,’ she repeated. ‘You and Benton are –’

‘Yes. I love him, and he loves me. I’ve never had anyone who cares about me like he does, and I’ve never been happier.’ But that can’t have been evident, for Ma Vecchio started crying, and Ray’s heart broke all over again. ‘Oh, I didn’t mean for it to hurt you. I shouldn’t have said anything.’

She reached to hold his hand where it lay on the table. And they sat there together for a time. Eventually Ray’s mother said, ‘I love you, _caro_.’

‘I love you, too, Ma. I’m sorry I hurt you.’

‘No, it’s good that you told me. It’s good that you’re happy. But I need some time to think about this, Raymond. I need to pray for you.’

Ray sighed, and offered her a tiny smile. ‘That’s fine, Ma. That’s fine.’ He grasped her hand tighter for a moment. ‘He likes to do things properly, he wants to tell you his intentions are honorable, he’ll probably ask you for your blessing. Can you handle that?’

‘If you want me to, _caro_.’

‘Thanks, Ma.’

‘What if I never understand this?’

‘Then we’ll all just have to keep loving one another anyway.’

She nodded, and stood up. ‘So much baking still to do. You run along now, Ray, you run along.’

He took the coffee mugs over to the sink and rinsed them. There were more tears, though, so Ray hovered uncertainly.

Eventually Ma Vecchio said, ‘You’d better invite him over for Christmas dinner. I was going to invite him anyway, he has no family here.’

‘Thanks, Ma,’ he repeated. ‘You’re a sweetheart. That’s the only thing Pop was ever right about – you’re a true lady.’ And he pressed a kiss to her cheek before doing as he was told and running along.

♦

‘It’s _her_ pain, Ray, not yours. Let it go. Let her feel what she wants to feel.’

‘But _I_ caused it.’

‘By being honest with her? You gave her the truth about yourself, that was brave of you. Now it’s up to her what she does with it. Her feelings and reactions are her own.’

Ray grimaced. He was lying alone on the Mountie’s bed, waiting while Fraser fetched them a glass of water. When the fellow came back and put the glass down on the floor, Ray opened his arms to welcome his lover into a hug. ‘You’re a hard man, Benton Fraser.’

‘No, I’m not,’ the man murmured. He pressed a kiss into Ray’s throat. ‘Will you be working tomorrow?’

‘Christmas eve? Not unless something comes up. I’m going shopping, a few last minute things. Come with me?’

‘Yes.’

‘And promise not to stumble into any new cases? This is _not_ the Christmas I want ruined by us working all through it.’

Fraser just smiled at him, unwilling to promise anything he couldn’t personally guarantee. ‘Do you want the water, or do you want to be distracted?’

‘Both,’ Ray said. Fraser passed him the glass of water and, before he drank, Ray asked, ‘Are you going to talk to Ma about us?’

‘I’d like to.’

‘Yeah, well, when you do I want you to listen to me, watch me. If I tell you enough’s enough, then you quit, OK? I don’t know how much she wants to hear right now.’

‘I understand.’

‘Give her time. Like you gave me time.’ Ray laughed, though it was a hollow sound. ‘Even then she might just want to ignore the whole thing.’

Fraser took the glass from Ray’s hands, drank the rest of the water, and then put the glass down before gathering Ray close in his arms. ‘I’m glad you decided not to ignore me,’ he murmured. Another kiss to Ray’s throat, and then Fraser began getting really interested.

‘How come you love me, Benny? I’m never this lucky.’

That mouth didn’t want to be interrupted in its explorations. ‘I love you because… you are the blood of my heart.’ More kisses, and Fraser’s tongue-tip tickling and tasting. ‘There is no reason. It just _is_.’

‘Well, if it just _is_ ,’ Ray argued reasonably, ‘then maybe one day you’ll wake up and it just _isn’t_ anymore.’

‘That won’t happen. Have more faith in me, Ray. Have more faith in this love that’s beyond me.’

‘I don’t understand.’

Fraser pulled away a little to meet Ray’s gaze. ‘Do you want me to list all the rational reasons? All the things I like about you, and love about you, all the things about you that delight me? They would all be true, but add them up and one thing would still be missing.’ He pressed his mouth to Ray’s for a moment. ‘I’m borrowing words again – you are the blood of my heart, Ray.’

Kind of dazed, Ray nodded. They kissed to seal that agreement – as was already his habit, Fraser reaching a hand to haul Ray close and then massage Ray’s butt. And then Fraser returned his attentions to Ray’s throat.

Ray let out a long breath, consciously told himself to relax. He could let Fraser take the initiative, he could let Fraser care for him, it wasn’t such a scary thing. In fact, Ray had a sneaking suspicion that his fear of what Fraser would do with him had been mostly camouflage for more honest doubts. Maybe Fraser was right, and all Ray had needed was the time… And the faith. Ray took another deep breath, and sighed it out.

The Mountie seemed to be making this up as he went along. That mouth roamed down Ray’s jugular, and then back around the base of his neck to his nape. Sweet and delicate, and tempting Ray to simply fall into endless sensation.

Fraser was shifting up onto his hands and knees now, tugging the cop forward so that the Mountie could nuzzle his way down Ray’s spine. Beautiful. Ray turned his head away and let the man get on with it. By the time the lips and tongue and teeth had worked their generous way down to Ray’s waist, the cop was feeling absolutely boneless with pleasure, sprawled face-down across the bed. From somewhere he found the wherewithal to whisper, ‘Benny? You can do this to me all night if you like.’

‘I intend to.’

‘All my life if you like,’ Ray amended with a sigh. And then Fraser was moving down to kiss the back of Ray’s thighs, using the flat of his tongue to lick up the length of the muscle there. Ray groaned in disbelieving surrender. ‘No one ever cared for me the way you do.’

‘Then I have a tragic loss to make up for.’ Perhaps half the night passed before Fraser reached what Ray assumed to have been his goal all along – ‘One of your finest features,’ the man appreciatively announced as he began running his mouth over Ray’s butt, biting and gnawing and then gentling the flesh.

Ray groaned again. Ever since they’d become lovers a few days ago, Fraser had rarely managed to keep his hands off this part of Ray’s anatomy, even when they were doing no more than kissing. And Ray had to admit he was enjoying that more and more – perhaps the Mountie’s hungry hands were part of a grand plan to sensitize Ray’s butt, to eroticize it. ‘You know,’ Ray murmured before he could begin thinking about it, ‘you could probably do anything you wanted to me right now, the way you’ve got me feeling.’

Fraser must have taken his meaning, or at least extrapolated his way to it, for the Mountie drew away. ‘Oh,’ he said, surprised and needy.

Scary, being left alone like that. Ray reached behind him with one hand, trying to find his lover. Turned his head to see the man. ‘That’s what you want,’ Ray said hoarsely. ‘Isn’t it?’

‘Perhaps.’ Voice rough. Blue eyes imploring but also confused. ‘Not yet,’ Fraser said.

‘Get back down here,’ Ray demanded. ‘Love me.’

The Mountie’s gaze roamed hungrily back to Ray’s butt. Desperation warred with prudence. Inevitably, though, Fraser found a way to meet their mutual need while remaining the gentleman – that generous body tumbled to lie on top of Ray’s, and the man found his pleasure by thrusting up along the cleft at the base of Ray’s spine. It was incredible.

Ray groaned, beginning to imagine what complete surrender might feel like. A shudder ran through him, but he let Fraser recover from what seemed to be potent completion before Ray demanded assistance with his own.

♦


End file.
